And the kitchen sink

Consider the lilies

2010-06-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

I worry. I admit it. I know that I'm not supposed to be anxious about anything. I know God will provide and protect and work everything out according to His purpose. But I still often have a healthy dose of what my mother-in-law likes to call "God given concern."

We're told in Matthew 6 to look at the birds of the air and the lilies of the field - they don't sow or reap or worry about what they will wear, but they are fed and clothed in splendor.

I have lilies on my front porch right now, and they are glorious. I love walking up to my house, and seeing beautiful yellow lilies on either side of my front door. They truly are one of the most beautiful flowers God created. The petals are delicate but strong, with those pretty little dots, and that pollen that will stain your skin for weeks!

But isn't my life just a tad bit more complicated than the life of a flower? I mean, the lily sits in dirt and does nothing but look pretty, so of course it's easy for God to take care of it! But what about my life? Can He really provide for me?

The answer, of course, is a resounding yes. If He can create and sustain the entire universe with just His breath, of course He can sustain me. And He will. My lilies are my reminder.

I also wanted to add a little personal note here that you won't find on the Through the Lens of Worship site. When this posts on Wednesday, I'll actually be up in the mountains, far away from cell phones and internet. Thanks to the magic of technology, I'm actually writing this on Saturday! Tomorrow is Father's Day, and tomorrow is also the day I leave for Royal Family Kids' Camp. This will be my second year working at this camp, and I am excited and overwhelmed right now. The week will be halfway over by the time any of you read this, but if you see this note before Friday the 25th, please pray for our campers and staff. The week of camp is exhausting, and challenging, and emotionally draining, and so, so very worth it because we are given the opportunity to show God's love to children who have been hurt very badly.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

May we all remember the true significance of this weekend. Bunnies and eggs are fun, but nothing compared to the sacrifice of our Lord. He is risen, and we rejoice!

Beauty in Creation

2010-03-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:11-12

It is good, isn't it?

Detours

2010-03-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

Last month road construction started in our neighborhood. Signs went up alerting people that 19 1/2 would be closed, and there are detour signs everywhere.

A few days after that, my pastor used an analogy about being in the left hand turn lane, and realizing you needed to turn right. He compared that to our lives, and how we often find ourselves in the left turn lane when God tells us to go right. The problem was that we were not listening to the signs. Well, I'm a smart girl, so I figured that God might want me to learn something from Bruce's message and from the fact that I now have to go the long way to get to the freeway.

I think that in life we often come upon signs - detours, stops, road closures, yields.... It's like that scene in Bruce Almighty where he asks God for a sign, and there are tons around him. Do we really pay attention to the signs God gives us? Do you? Do I? The thing is, I don't want to be in the left turn lane when God tells me to turn right.

I don't want to miss something great simply because I refuse to pay attention to God's plan for my life. I don't want to find myself at a dead end, wondering where God is or how I got there. I want to pay attention to those signs, so I can turn when I need to turn. So I can yield when it's time to yield. So I stop when I need to stop. So I go when it's time to go.

So I don't end up here:

Ironically, while I was out taking these pictures someone didn't pay attention to all the signs, and they ended up at this dead end and had to turn around. Thankfully God allows us to turn around and get back on the right track when we find ourselves here, but my prayer is that I listen the first time.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

For more go to: throughthelensofworship.com

Through the Lens of Worship - Week 2

2010-02-17T17:03:00.000-08:00

If you've read my blog for any length of time, or if you know me personally, you know about the struggle my husband and I have been through while trying to grow our family. You may have prayed for me or with me. You may have cried with me. Or, you may be here for the first time and have no idea what we went through for two years. That's really not the point of this post.

The point is that the place I'm in now is a wonderful place to be. It's absolutely incredible when I think back to how things were this time last year. I have grown tremendously. My marriage has grown. My faith has grown. I'm learning to trust God's timing. I'm in a great place.

I'm now to the place where I am thankful that Kyle and I are childless. I don't see that as a bad thing any more. I love that our family is just me and my husband. I love that I am able to invest more in him, in my family, in my friends, and in my work than I would be able to if someone called me mommy. I especially love, love, love that I am able to be so present in the lives of my beautiful nieces (here's where the pictures start to come!). These two baby girls are so precious to me. They teach me things all the time. Their childlike innocence inspires me. Their behavioral issues cause me to think of the ways I continually disobey God. Their stubborn attempts to get their way with their parents remind me of how I react to my Heavenly Father.

Plus, they are just so darn adorable! These were taken on Monday when the whole Reynolds clan went up to the snow for a day of fun.

By the way, it's the little one's second birthday today! Happy Birthday, Ayla!

Go to throughthelensofworship.com to read the other posts!

Beauty in the busy-ness

2010-02-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

I've felt rushed lately. I've been overwhelmed. Not stressed, just busy. There is always something else to do. Laundry. Dishes. Grading. Cooking. TV shows that need watching. (Okay, I'll admit that one is a want). In the midst of the craziness of life, God sometimes shows you something that takes your breath away. I had one of those moments while driving home the other day.

The sun was just going down below the clouds - not a complete sunset, but one of those times where the edges of the clouds are trimmed in a beautiful gold. As soon as I got home I grabbed the ladder, and with my camera in tow I climbed on my roof. As it always happens (Murphy's law, I suppose), it turns out my roof is not at the ideal angle for taking sunset pictures, but I still managed to snap a few that start, just a bit, to capture what I actually saw. Just know that my (slowly developing [no pun intended]) photography skills are nothing compared to what God does on the canvas of the sky.

This is an entry for Through the Lens of Worship. To see other photographer's posts, go to http://www.throughthelensofworship.com/

Through the Lens of Worship

2010-01-29T19:01:00.000-08:00

Exciting news for photographers! Rhonda, Sarah, and I have been working on starting a new photo group, with the intention of worshipping God and bringing him glory through the talents he has given us. We started meeting together for worship, bible study, coffee, and photography a couple months ago, and now we're expanding! If you are also a Christ follower and photographer, please check out Rhonda's explanatory post on her Exposing Grace site.

Timing

2010-01-04T21:50:00.000-08:00

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven.

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

I know that everything God does will endure forever;

nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.

Ecclesiates 3

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T16:34:00.001-08:00

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Luke 2: 1-14

I pray that your Christmas will be filled with peace, love, joy, and hope.

A huge thanks to Rhonda for taking this picture and creating our Christmas card. After Christmas is over, I plan on posting more of the pictures from this photo shoot.

Merry Christmas!

Have I told you lately...

2009-09-17T17:00:00.001-07:00

...that I love my job?

Sure, there are frustrations.
There are problem students.
There are discipline issues and kids who won't turn in homework.
There are many wasted minutes trying to get them to shut up.

But, there are also students who listen intently as I lecture, quietly taking pages of notes, because they find the subject interesting.
There are students who steal my coffee cup and encase it in jello, knowing I'll find it hilarious.

There are drama students who gave each other such convincing "black eyes" that we had numerous people fooled.
There are students who make me laugh so hard I end up crying.
There are students who spend all day Saturday working on a paper that's not due until Thursday, because they know they will be having a busy week.
There are students who work hard in everything they do, even if it seems like an inconsequential task.
There are also students who turn in papers, on time, well written, correctly formatted.....

attached to chocolate.

Have I told you lately I love my job?

So how many have you read?

2009-09-07T15:23:00.001-07:00

If you have a facebook, you've probably seen this floating around already. Apparently the BBC believes that out of their list of 100 books, most people will only have read 6. I'm proud to say that I've read many more than that, but I still have a long way to go!

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen – love it and teach it!
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien – read all three
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte – love it, and teach it!
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling – love it!
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee – love it, and teach it!
6 The Bible – of course!
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte – started, but never finished
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell – read it in high school
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens – used to teach it, not my favorite

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare – not all of them, but quite a few!
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien – read it
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger – read it in high school
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger – want to read it
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald – taught it last year
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams – own it, but never read it
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky – only book I’ve ever hated
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck – should have read it in high school
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carrol – great story
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy – own it, but never read it
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis – read them as a child, re read some as an adult
34 Emma-Jane Austen – not yet, but I want to!
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen – not yet, but I want to!
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis – great book
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne - :)
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell – not my favorite
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery – read as a child
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding – graded lots of papers on this, but never read it
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen – started, but not finished
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens – own it, but never read it
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez – own it, but never read it

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck – taught it a couple years ago
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas – want to read it
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett – one of my favorites when I was little
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante – read parts of it
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens – read it
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White – loved it as a kid
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom – read it
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad – teach it
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas – want to read it
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare – teach it
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl – loved it as a kid
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

So I've read 26 of them, and I teach/have taught 8 of them. There are a bunch more I'd like to read, but also quite a few I know I will never get around to. Moby Dick? No thank you.War and Peace? I don't think so. I don't blame you if you don't want to repost, but I would love to know what you've read, and what books you love (even if they aren't on the list). I'm always looking for news things to read.

Friends

2009-09-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

This summer I got to shoot pictures for two awesome young ladies.

J is a former student of mine, who is just starting her first year of college, and M is a current student of mine in her senior year of high school. These girls have been 'besties' their whole lives, so before J left I was able to get some pictures for the two of them. It was a fun morning, plus, it gave me more experience, so we all win!

While I so often hate the Central Valley, it does have its own, special (hot) beauty, so we capitalized on that while we could. When all fields were green and the hay was golden, we drove through the country looking for places to stop.

A few more of my favorite pictures from the day...

Since we last 'spoke'

2009-08-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

I have....

* re-read all of my favorite trashy young adult novels
* gone to San Diego with the Reynolds side of the family
* fully intended to write a post with pictures from the San Diego trip
* gone camping in Laguna Seca with the Reynolds clan
* watched some awesome practice/qualifying races at Laguna Seca
* fully intended to write a post with pictures from the camping trip
* Started school again
* been completely exhausted (it wasn't this tiring last year!)
* felt so old because I am ten years older than my freshmen
* come up with a new budget and a new chore system... much to the chagrin of my husband
* discovered tonsillitis is no fun
* reached the two year anniversary of when we started trying to get pregnant
* counted 22 pregnant friends (that's a lot!)
* including one of my students... who would have been a sophomore :(
* doubted our plan to stop trying
* and been reassured that this really is the best thing for us
* and then I've doubted it again (and the cycle keeps repeating)
* increased my brain capacity by playing sudoku all the time ;)
* decided to not buy anything I can live without during the month of September
* gotten a referral to a dermatologist to see if I can once and for all get rid of my skin problems
* shot some pictures for some awesome girls
* fully intended to write a post with pictures from our shoot
* generally enjoyed life
* and missed you all

Perhaps I'll get another post up soon with some pictures. I really did get some great ones of my adorable, wonderful nieces while in SD and while camping, and I would love to show my little girls off!

First Lines

2009-07-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

Most of you know I teach English. I am passionate about literature, but I don't think I've ever shared any of my love for words with you. Reading is one of my favorite things to do, and the first line of a novel is very important to me. So, I wanted to share some of my all-time favorite first lines from books I love.

"Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversations?'" (From Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll)

"It was a bight cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." (From 1984 by George Orwell)

"The thousand injuries of Fortunado I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge." (From "The Cask of Amontillado" by Edgar Allen Poe)

"It was a pleasure to burn." (From Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury)

"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it." (From The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis - the whole introductory passage from this book is amazing)

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth." (From The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger)

"It was almost December, and Jonas was beginning to be frightened." (From The Giver by Lois Lowry)

And probably my two favorite ever, from two of my favorite novels ever:

"When he was nearly thirteen my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow." (From To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee)

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife." (From Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen)

And finally, though it's not a first line, here's one of my favorite passages from the novel Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte:

"No sight so sad as that of a naughty girl," he began, "especially a naughty little girl. Do you know where the wicked go after death?"
"They go to hell," was my ready and orthodox answer.
"And what is hell? Can you tell me that?"
"A pit full of fire."
"And should you like to fall into that pit, and to be burning there forever?"
"No, sir."
"What must you do to avoid it?"
I deliberated a moment: my answer when it did come was objectionable. "I must keep in good health, and not die."

And if you haven't read Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, or To Kill a Mockingbird, you really should. They're all incredible.

Pray for Jacob

2009-07-01T19:36:00.000-07:00

Any of you guys who read this, please join with me in praying for Jacob Kirkendall. I grew up with the Kirkendall's - Tom and Debbie were my junior high pastor and small group leader - and their 17 year old son is currently fighting for his life. You can read more at http://journeythroughfire.blogspot.com/, but basically what happened was he was investigating a tree on fire, and the tree came down, bringing the power lines with it. He is very badly burned, both externally, and from the inside out. They have been worried about his kidneys and lungs, among other things. This family is very dear to me, and I know they would appreciate your prayers so much.

Back from Royal Family!

2009-06-29T14:20:00.000-07:00

Wow... just wow...

I am completely sold.

I didn't want to come home.

In fact, I'd really like to go back up right now.

I honestly cannot adequately describe what the past week was like. I'll try my best, but I know I am going to fall so short of communicating just how incredible an experience RFKC was. This might get long, but trust me, it's worth it to read.

We had twenty-three kids this year - 12 girls and 11 boys, ranging from 7-11 years old, and somewhere around 40 adults. If you didn't catch my last post, each of these kids is in the foster care system because of prior abuse. Most of them have been sexually abused, in addition to physical or emotional abuse, or neglect. Some of them have also suffered abuse in their foster homes. I don't know each child's story, but the things I heard about what some of the kids have been through is absolutely haunting. It's stuff I can't share, and I wish I didn't know. Some of the kids seems fairly well-adjusted, or at least as adjusted as you could ask from a child in their situation. Other kids presented problems. There were quite a few of the little boys who were highly interested in the female staff members. I had a ten year old ask if I had a boyfriend. A few of them had a hard time following rules, and they kept wanting to run off, away from their counselors. Many of them had horrible attitudes, like nothing at the camp was interesting or good enough for them. Despite all of that, it was one of the best weeks of my life.

I got to sit with hurting kids while they learned that God is their shepherd, and that he is with them no matter what they go through. I got to sing songs with them about how God will change their name - from wounded and outcast to confidence and overcoming one. I got to watch as joy lit up their faces, something I imagine does not happen very often. I got to love them as much as I could in one week, and got to send them home with precious memories.

We did archery, face painting, arts and crafts, and took apart car motors; we swam, played dress up, had tea parties, worshiped, watched skits about sheep, and celebrated everyone's birthday. Thursday we had a huge birthday party so we could celebrate that each one of them was born. We had cake and punch, and each kid got a birthday bag full of goodies. They each received a CD player and a CD of the worship songs we did during the week. They got a photo album full of pictures of them throughout the week. They also got a birthday box full of toys and fun things for them to play with. In addition to the stuff they received at their birthday party, at the beginning of the week they each got a hand-made quilt, and a duffel bag of personal care items and a Bible. They received a lot of 'stuff' but they also received something so much more important.

Thursday night we did a talent show. We had a bunch of ghetto little kids break dancing, but there were also touching moments. An 8 year old girl sang a song that she wrote. It just broke my heart as she sang about how Jesus was her shepherd and how he would not leave her. Two brothers sang "Jesus, lover of my soul." It was so cute, because the part that goes "my Savior, my closet friend, I will worship you until the very end" was sung as "My Lord, my specious friend." You couldn't help but smile.

They age out of the camp at 11 years old. Some of the kids come every year from the time they are 7 until they graduate (we even have a graduation ceremony and each 11 year old gets a mortar board that we've all signed), but some kids come for the first time as 11-year-olds. One of our G.I.T.s (graduates in training - the 11-year-olds) was a boy who was there for his first time. All week he acted like he was too cool for most everything that was going on. But he asked the Bible teacher if he could give back his G.I.T. card and come again next year.

Each child writes two letters at the end of camp. One is a letter to God, and the other one is titled "Why I Like Royal Family Kids Camp." When we get back the staff has a debriefing party, and we read all the letters. The stuff in them is just heartbreaking. So many of the kids prayed for their moms in their letters to God. They wanted their moms out of prison, or they wanted to be with their moms, but understood that they couldn't right now. Some kids said they liked camp more than they liked being at home. One girl, an 11 year old who had been for four years, wrote the following (paraphrased as best I remember): "With all I've been through, this (RFKC) has helped put me back together, but there are still some pieces missing. But that's okay, because one thing can't cover it all." She's eleven! No one her age should have to be burdened with that kind of wisdom.

One of the other special things about camp is Grandma and Grandpa. They are an absolutely wonderful older couple, and they go up as camp Grandma and Grandpa for all the kids. Before every meal, everyone has to get a hug from both of them. It was so great watching the kids, wary at the beginning of the week, run up to get hugs from their Grandma and Grandpa by the end. We also did a balloon release on the last day. Each kid wrote something on a piece of paper they wanted to give to God, tied it to a balloon, and all together they released their balloons up to heaven. That last day was so hard. The kids were shutting down - trying to protect themselves from the painful goodbye that was coming. One of the boys just kept sobbing. Every time I looked at him I would start to cry. I wanted to be able to take him home with me.

I also can't explain the change that has happened in me. I came down off that mountain with a completely different set of priorities. I've already taken my fertility meds this month, but Kyle and I have decided that if this month doesn't work, we'll be taking an extended break from trying to conceive. And honestly, part of me is actually hoping this month won't work. I know it's crazy that I'm saying that, but as excited as I would be to find out I was pregnant, it would absolutely break my heart that I couldn't go to RFKC next year. There is something amazing about being able to show a hurting child the love of God, and I don't want to miss out on that. It's an absolutely incredible change that has happened in me. Kyle looked at me like I was insane when I asked him what he thought about taking a break for six months to a year, but we've decided that it would be really good for us. Assuming this month doesn't work, we'll take time to pay off debt, enjoy our life together, fix up the house how we want, etc, and we'll both go to RFKC next year. And if this month does work, we'll be thrilled to welcome our own child into our home, and we'll stay as involved with Royal Family as we possibly can. I'm really seeking God's will right now, and it seems like it's finally sunk in that maybe having children of our own is not part of God's plan for us right now. I still strongly believe that it will happen some day, but for now I see my priorities shifting. I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband, and focus on him instead of trying to get pregnant. I want to be the best teacher I can be, and love and nurtue my students. I want to be there for my friends, instead of being the one who needs a shoulder to cry on. I want to get involved with the abortion ministry that is starting at my church. And I want to get as involved as I can with the Royal Family ministry.

So that's where I'm at right now. Huge changes, but I feel the most at peace that I've ever felt.

Perhaps it's because He has changed my name.

I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast
Lonely or afraid

I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness
Overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks my face.

Royal Family Kids Camp

2009-06-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

This Sunday I will be leaving for what I know will be one of the hardest, most rewarding weeks of my life. I'll be working as the drama director and a rover (I'll explain that in a bit) at Royal Family Kids Camp. If you've never heard of Royal Family, you're missing out. Royal Family is an organization of camps for abused and neglected children in the foster care system. Every year over three and half million kids are abused and/or neglected, and Royal Family makes a difference in the lives a small number of those kids by creating a week of positive memories for these kids. The name refers to the fact that we are part of God's royal family, and as such we are all princes and princesses in God's family. That's definitely a change in treatment from what these children are used to! (and as I'm rereading that, it really sounds like some promotional ad or statement I took off the website...)
Like I said, I'm the drama director for the week, so I've been in charge of directing all the chapel skits. They're all really cute skits, and I have a great team of actors I'm working with. They just need to memorize their lines! Sigh, actors... :)
I'm also a rover, or a member of the support staff. Every counselor only has two kids, so they get so much more attention than at most camps we're used to. There's also a "two deep" rule, meaning that at all times, there must be two adults together with any children. Because of the background these kids come from, we really have to cover our bases. Each counselor has a buddy counselor, and then the rovers are available to step in and help out wherever it's needed, so that there are always two adults. We're also there to relieve the counselors so they get a periodic break.
I'm very excited about the week, but I also know it's going to be a very emotional week. I would love if you guys would join all of us in praying for the week - for strength and energy for the staff, and especially for the kids. You can also pray for me specifically, as I'll be on my fertility medication while we're up there. What fun! Thankfully the last couple times I've been on it I haven't really had a reaction, but especially because of the kids I'll be working with, I really need to be aware of my mood and how I'm acting. I've had a lot of practice keeping it under control when I feel it affecting me, since I was on it so many times while I was teaching and dealing with unruly high schoolers, so I should be okay, but I really would just prefer to not have a reaction to it at all so that I don't have to work to enjoy myself and be a pleasant person to be around. So pray specifically for: no mood swings, no headaches, no nausea, and no hot flashes. My meds sound like fun stuff, don't they!
I'll be back next Friday, and soon after that I'll let you guys know how the week went!

Thankful...

2009-06-07T16:40:00.001-07:00

For so many things!

~An amazing, safe trip to beautiful Hawaii with some completely awesome teenagers ~

~ Including super-fun parasailing with Kyle ~

~ Tons of progress made in painting the living room ~

~ A new fence on the sideyard to keep Marley corralled ~

~ My Marley baby, even though she drives me crazy and might be retarded :) ~

~ A brother-in-law who helped us order all the parts for a new computer ~

~ Said brother-in-law who will be putting together the new computer when it gets here ~

~ My new flower pots that match my front door ~

~ New curtains for the kitchen and living room ~

~ A pastor who continuously teaches me so much every Sunday ~

~ My wonderful husband who built me the new fence ~

~ New flowers in my garden ~

~ A heart that is healing and growing and learning ~

~ The support and love and prayers I get from all of you ~

~ So much more ~

Feels like....

2009-05-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

I'm standing in a really long line
With no end in sight

And everyone around me is getting front of the line passes.

Twenty-one months, seven rounds of hormones, two surgical procedures, numerous blood tests and ultrasounds, and who knows how much money, and still nothing to show for it. Everyone around me is pregnant, it feels like. I just feel like screaming "I WAS HERE FIRST! I'VE BEEN WAITING LONGER!" And (I'm ashamed to admit) at times I feel like I deserve it more than someone else. When an unmarried, former student of mine gets pregnant... I should be having a child instead of her. When a newlywed couple who wasn't even trying gets pregnant... It should have been me. I feel joy for all of them, and intense, intense jealousy a lot of the time. It didn't use to be this strong, but it's come on with a vengeance ever since last Sunday (mother's day). And I hate it, but I don't want to give it up, for some crazy, sinful reason. I guess it's because if I can hold on to this, I can at least be in control of something.

I was so sure this would be the time. I had come to such a good place, and now I feel like I've taken a huge step back (thank you, Brandi, for your words last night, you have no idea how much I needed to hear them). I was so sure that this would be the time, it just had to be, because I had finally surrendered everything to God. Now I feel like I've failed, and I'm wondering what I was holding back, and I can't help but think that it won't happen next time, either, because of this "setback" in my faith.

We won't even be able to try again this month. We leave Saturday for Hawaii as chaperons for the senior trip (and despite this negativity, I am very, very excited about this vacation), and if I went on the medicine this time it would mean I would be on it for the entire Hawaii trip. Since I want to be able to enjoy my time there and enjoy my last moments with my students, and not bite every one's head off while on vacation, we've decided to skip the meds this month. The other thing that solidified the decision was that if I went on the Clomid again, and made it through Hawaii, but that round didn't work, that would leave me taking my next round while I'm working at Royal Family Kids Camp in June. Since Royal Family is a camp for abused and neglected foster kids, and I already know I'm going to be a complete basket case, I really don't need any extra hormones coursing through my body while I'm trying to love on those kids. So, it sucks. Majorly. I hate that we're having to postpone this even more. I hate that we're having to go through this at all. I hate that people who abuse their children are able to get pregnant. I hate that children are neglected. I hate that I don't have any children of my own.

I wish I understood God's plan.

Pray for me, please. I need it.

Destruction

2009-04-30T16:57:00.000-07:00

I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves...

In addition to this, she's destroyed:

multiple pairs of underwear and socks
a few pairs of shoes
(including my adorable pointy black heels)
the telephone cord for our internet
two blankets
(torn to shreds all over our back yard)
the drip system in our backyard
a rose bush
(tore it completely out)
two leads
(she can chew through one in under 5 minutes)
a ceramic bowl
the nozzle for our hose

and possibly our sliding glass door
(more on that later...)

Can someone remind me why I wanted a dog?

Been away awhile...

2009-04-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

I am so busy! I had been planning at least a few blog posts over this past week while I was on Easter break, but now I'm on my last day of break, and obviously there were no posts over the past week. Even when I'm on vacation I'm busy every moment! So, since it's been over a month since I last updated you all, here is a very general, hopefully quick update of what has been going on:

My surgery was the 19th, and it went very well. Recovery was another story altogether, though. I ended up back in the hospital on the 21st, and back at my doctor's office on the 23rd, then finally started to feel better a few days after that. Surgery results are a little mixed. My tubes are open (praise God!), but my Doc found endometriosis. However, he doesn't think that it is causing our fertility problems. It's very mild, and I have very, very, very minimal scarring, so for now he doesn't want to treat the endo. He said the treatment we could do is a 6 month process, so I'm in agreement with the whole not treating thing. My doc is just thinking that perhaps we didn't get lucky during our 6 rounds of Clomid (only 4 could have resulted in pregnancy, because 2 times the meds didn't work), so we're going to try up to three more rounds before looking into anything else. Please pray with us that one of these rounds will work. I'm handling everything so well now, and have really come to the point that I want Christ more than I want a baby, and if we are not supposed to be parents I know that our lives will not be wasted. Despite this place of peace and comfort I am in, it's still a really annoying, stressful process, and I'm so far past ready for this to all be over.

I can't even really remember what else has happened over the last month, so I'll just focus on the last week: I've been off of work for a week, and it has not been long enough. I have to go back tomorrow, and I'm not too thrilled. I love my students, and I love teaching... but I also like sleeping in and doing fun things like Magic Mountain and Disneyland. Magic Mountain was last Monday with one of my coworkers, and then Friday and Saturday Kyle and I took his whole family down to Disneyland to celebrate his 25th birthday. We went with his parents, his brother and sister-in-law, and our two nieces. Taylor is almost 3, so it was also in celebration of her birthday. She LOVED Disneyland, expecially the Tea Cups, and we all had a great time. Whenever I find my cord to my camera I'll upload the pictures and get some on here. It really was an awesome weekened with the family, but also exhausting, and I'm still sore and tired.

I've missed you all, and hope everything is going well for you!

Sore, sick, and surgery.

2009-03-06T08:40:00.000-08:00

I have muscle pain in places I didn't know muscles existed. It's horrible. And yet so incredibly awesome! I've started a fitness class that's four days a week, at the ungodly hour of 5:30 am. Today was my second day, but now I've actually signed up and will be getting up at 5 Tues-Fri to go work my patootie, and everything else, off. It's a class taught by one of my student's moms, and she is insane and awesome. We do weights, and core exercises, and kickboxing, and aerobics and ball work, and on and on and on. Pretty much, and hour of the hardest workout I've ever done. And besides being in pain, I feel great. I have energy!

So, I'm not really sick, but it fit with the alliteration I had going in the title. I am sick of doctor appointments, though. I'm heading down to LA in just a bit to go to my second appointment this week. Wednesday was at my regular doctor here in town, to try to decide what our next step is, and today I'm going to go see a natural healer type doctor. Or a witch doctor, as my MIL likes to say. She's a friend of my sister in law, and comes highly, highly, highly recommended, plus she's a Christian and just seems like the sweetest lady! But still, another appointment. Hopefully she'll be able to help me with my skin problems. And the fun thing is that I'm going down with my sister in law and her girls, and we're staying the night down there are Sarah's mom's house, so it should be a good time, even if I have to go to another appointment!

On to the surgery. My doctor (ob-gyn) decided on Wednesday that it is time for us to take the next step, so on Thursday the 19th I'll be having two procedures done. Both outpatient, no big deal kind of things, but I'll be put under, which I've never experienced, and I would love for you to be praying for the procedures. One is a laparoscopy, where they will be looking all around my insides to check for any problems, like endometriosis, and the other is an HSG, which is a dye test to check for blockages in my tubes. Fun stuff! Please pray for my nerves, I'm not scared, but it's still new ground for me, having never had any sort of procedure like this before. Also pray that my doctor will find out what the problem is, and that it will be a fixable problem, not a permanent problem.

Okay, now I have to run so I can finish getting ready to go down to LA!

Bathroom: the finished product.

2009-02-15T20:16:00.001-08:00

So here's the bathroom:

I actually still have touch up to do, but I love it!

I bought fabric today to make curtains for the living room (and only spent $10, yay for sales!), and since I have tomorrow off....

Curtain making time!

Marley's Surprise

2009-02-13T16:55:00.001-08:00

This is what I found when I went to fill up her dog food bowl the other morning...

Yeah, that'd be part of a multilated, knawed on gopher, staring up at me. Care for a closer look? Thanks, Marley, I feel the love you have for us.

On a less stomach churning note, here's what I've done with our front bathroom! I still have touch ups to do, and I have a nice thing I'm going to do with some towels (once I get to the laundry, that is) on the towel rack. And then one more room of my house is finished!

embarrassing moment

2009-02-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

Since I love all of you so much and want to bring you joy, I thought I'd share a rather funny story with you! Of course, it was not funny at all at the time, but in retrospect, it gives me a chuckle. You may have figured out already that last month was not our month to get pregnant. I really thought it might have worked, but that's not the point - the point is that I'm on another round of my fertility meds. And they really mess with me. Thankfully today was my 5th and last day of the pills, so I should be pretty much back to normal now. But Tuesday night... man it was bad. First day on the meds, which for me is always the worst. Kyle and I were laying in bed talking, and something he was saying was upsetting me, for completely asinine reasons- all he was trying to do was encourage me that in God's timing we would have a child. But of course, I'm hormonal, so I do what I do best on the meds: I start crying. So the poor guy is trying to comfort me, and I asked him for a tissue, and... the tissue box was empty. Now, a rational, reasonable human being would have simply gotten up to get toilet paper or a different tissue box. But I am not rational or reasonable while under the influence of excess hormones, so I started bawling uncontrollably. Like, my whole body shaking with sobs, because the tissue box was empty!! Ack! It's been a little crazy in our house this week. :/

On another topic, today was absolutely amazing! Monday was my birthday, but we didn't do anything until today. Actually, Kyle left me a birthday card on my windshield while I was at work, and there were beautiful orange roses at home for me. But today we went out to breakfast, then started driving to somewhere (I didn't know where we were going). It turned out that he was taking me to Cambria. We walked all around Cambria and went in to all the adorable little shops. We looked through art galleries and antique stores. Then we went wine tasting, had delicious wine and great conversation with the other patrons and the employees. He had planned on taking me to a certain restaurant, but there was a local couple at the wine tasting who suggested another place called the Sea Chest, so we ate there and had great clam chowder and salad and swordfish for dinner. It was an amazing day, and the best part was that Kyle planned the whole thing out as a surprise for me.

With the exception of my tissue box fiasco, I've been doing really well emotionally lately. Even getting my negative test last week didn't really effect me. Obviously it's disappointing, but I wasn't depressed. I've found out about three more friends who are pregnant, and found out all three on the same day, which would have seriously messed me up before. I know there are a few thing contributing to my new found peace and contentment: I have so many people praying for me and I can tell, and I am so thankful for every one. Secondly, Kyle and I have been doing a devotional for couples dealing with infertility for about a week, and it's been a nice time each night to pray and read together. I also read a book called Hannah's Hope, which is absolutely amazing. It's really helped me see the areas that Satan can most easily attack me, and it's helping me deal with questions like 'is God punishing me?' and 'is this because God knows I would make a bad mother?' Both thoughts that are the work of the devil, but questions that come up nonetheless. And the last thing that has been helping me: Joelle. A wonderful, dear friend that I work with. I've known her for years, and on Wednesday she called me and left a message that said she understands what I'm going through and to call her back. We talked for a half hour, and it was so therapeutic. She has two teenagers now, but went through treatments and years of waiting and multiple miscarriages. I have so many great supportive people here in the area, and I have online friends who are going through or have gone through what we're dealing with, but I did not have a single person who was here and understood. Really understood. And now I do. It's incredible how God brings people in to your life just when you need them the most.

New House Pictures

2009-01-26T17:05:00.000-08:00

I'm finally getting around to showing you guys what else we've done in the house. The last pictures I showed you were just after we moved in, and we'd barely done anything! Now, it's been months since we moved in, and we've still barely done anything! Now, that's not quite true, but it sure feels like it. Our kitchen has been complete for quite some time, and we tore out bushes in the front yard and put in some plants a few weeks ago. I got tons of paint squares at Home Depot the other day so I can pick out colors for the rest of our house. I mean, so WE can pick out colors. I doubt you want a detailed description of every paint sample I picked out, so I'll just tell you that I picked out colors for both bathrooms, our bedroom, and the spare bedroom (hopefully nursery?) as well as the living room. And I'm hoping for Home Depot birthday money from the family so I can actually afford all this paint! Oh, yeah, I'm almost 24. Next Monday!

So... here are the pictures. First, the kitchen.

And the front yard.

I also must tell you that I can tell that you guys are praying for me! God has been really working in my life over the past couple weeks, and I would never have enough time to fully explain what He's been doing, but it's been incredible. I found out another friend was pregnant, and this time I felt only pure, pure joy for her, and couldn't (still can't) stop praising God for giving her this miracle after they've tried so long. A lot of songs we've been doing at church have had a huge impact, as well as messages and conversations, and just random little things. Kyle and I are now praying together and for each other every night, which is something we've never done consistently. We've always just kinda done our own thing, and I am so excited about what this is going to do for our relationship. I also just bought a few books, three that are written by women who have struggled with infertility, and another one that is a devotional Kyle and I are going to do together called Moments for Couples Who Long For Children. I'm just waiting for them to come to me so we can get started. So that's where I'm at right now - so much more at peace, and very content, and very hopeful, and so excited to see what God is going to do!

Quick Update

2009-01-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

Thanks so much ladies for praying for me! I'm still really struggling, but I also feel hopeful again, so I think I'm getting back on the right track. I think the reason that I've been so emotional (besides that I'm pumped full of hormones, of course!) is because we're nearing the year and a half mark at the end of this cycle. So, if this one doesn't work, we'll reach yet another 'milestone' on this journey, and that's something I really don't want! Most couples get pregnant within 6 months when they are actively trying, so reaching a year past that just gets depressing. Also, and I know this is super silly, but my birthday is in just a few weeks, and I'll be 24 (I know, so old!), but I always thought I would have a baby or be pregnant by then. My mom had me at 23, my MIL was 23, and I think my SIL was 23 as well, and I'm not going to get that if this month doesn't work. I know, silly, but when you're full of all kinds of additional hormones, things like that can be very upsetting.
The good news, though, is that if it doesn't happen this time for us, I'll still have at least one more time on the meds, possibly two, before looking in to anything else. I had been thinking that this was our last try, so the stress and pressure have been incredible, and let's just that the last few days have not been so jolly, and Kyle is probably sure his wife is going crazy. But my doctor wants 3-6 ovulatory cycles before doing any more tests, and this is my 5th round, but one time the meds didn't work. So this round should give us our 4th ovulatory cycle, and we'll do one or two more times before doing some more tests to find out why things aren't working how they should work.
I also started looking at some adoption information the other day, but about five minutes into it I had to stop. We've always (from the time we were dating) talked about adopting, and we've always been very open to the idea of adopting children. We always wanted a family that was mixed with biological children and adopted children. I never thought though that adoption might be our only option. And if that ends up being the case, we'll be completely fine with that. There are so many children out there in need of love and a good home, and I want to open my arms up to several of them! However, I realized once I actually started looking at information that I'm no where near where I need to be emotionally to even consider adoption. I'm not ready to give up my dream of being pregnant and having biological children yet. Not to mention the financial aspect of trying to adopt- we're not in that place either. So until God actually calls us that direction, we're going to keep hanging on to this roller coaster we're on.
Even though I'm doing a little better I still covet your prayers! Pray that we'll have patience, that we'll trust God's plan in all this, that I'll be able to handle my mood swings with grace ;) and that Kyle and I will grow closer together and closer to God through all this. I've really been convicted on that recently, and I know that Kyle and I really need to focus more of our self as a couple on God. So I'm going to look for a Bible study for us to do together (any suggestions?) so that we can make sure our relationship with each other and God is as strong as it can be when our little one does decide to come along.
Thanks and I love you all!

Trying not to wallow in self pity...

2009-01-08T20:14:00.000-08:00

Please pray for me, friends. I've been doing so, so well lately. I've been happy, content, and at absolute peace with our baby situation. I've been praying fervently, for us and for friends going through the same ordeal. And I've been doing so well.
I just found out yet another friend is pregnant. And while I'm excited for her, a huge wave of depression washed over me once I found out, because it's yet another reminder of what I don't have and yet want so desperately. I need an attitude adjustment again; I'm so tired of crying and being emotional over something I can't change. Pray for me, please.

MIA

2009-01-02T10:31:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've been gone for quite awhile! Not gone entirely, though - I've still been keeping up with your lives. I honestly just haven't had time to get on here and write anything, and even now I'm thinking of everything else I need to be doing, but it's just been so long! So, quick run down of what has been going on over the past couple months, and hopefully later I'll be able to post some pictures of improvements we've made to the house, and our little baby Marley, who is getting so big!

In no particular order:
~ We re-did the front garden area of our house earlier this week. If you go here you can see what it was like before. Look at the second picture- three big UGLY bushes that had a seriously nasty fungus growing in them. Gross. My parents came down on Monday, and on Tuesday we tore the bushes out, took out all of the stupid lava rock that was in that area, cleaned the dirt up the best we could, and put in new stuff! I haven't taken a picture yet, but we have park bench, and stepping stones, and a beautiful Japanese Maple with gorgeous red bark, and pansies all around. It's wonderful, and it looks infinite times better. When I get a picture of it, I'll also take one of our kitchen, because I just realized I never showed you the finished version! My dad also made a fool out of himself by asking us if they made coffee without caffeine, so we got a good laugh at his expense, and now you can too!
~ Marley graduated from puppy school this week as well. I don't know if she really deserved it... but we were at the required number of sessions to get the certificate, so Yay Marley! She's still a menace, but she's learning. She thinks she's a lap dog, even though she's getting too big for that. She was only 6.5 pounds when we got her, and now she is almost 25! She's still tiny compared to most Shepherds her age, so who knows what type of dog she is mixed with.
~ After taking a break from fertility meds while we moved and got settled, we were finally able to start back up again. I'm now on a higer dose, and have done one complete cycle with the higher dose, that didn't work (meaning we didn't get pregnant - the meds did their job). We're now starting round two of this higher dose, and our 5th round overall. This may be my last round before moving on to other testing or treatments, so I'm praying this one is it! I almost decided to not try again at this higher dose because it really, really messed with my body and my emotions last time. Too many hormones! But, we'll give it one more try, and then I'm thinking of going to see a natural healer type person that helped my sister-in-law with a pregnancy related skin condition that no one else could heal.
~ We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas, and we were losers on New Year's Eve, but still had a good time! I had Thanksgiving at my house for the first time, and cooked my first turkey (and it came out great!). We then went up to my aunt and uncle's house for a second Thanksgiving with my side of the family, and ate WAY TOO MUCH amazing food. For Christmas we went to that same aunt and uncle's house, and the whole family was there. My parents and sister, my mom's parents, my cousin's, and my other aunt and uncle from Texas were out. We also brought up Marley. :) Again, we ate way, way too much, which is pretty common at our family gatherings. My aunt is the queen of appetizers. We played my cousin's Wii, and my Papa played with us. It's hilarious watching your 80-something grandfather try to play Wii bowling! We also had a Reynolds family Christmas on Christmas day (I was lucky this year, and Kyle wasn't working!) with Kyle's parents and his brother's family. It was so much fun with Taylor and Ayla (my nieces). New Years we went over to Kyle's brother's house and had pizza (as a picnic on the living room floor, because that's what Taylor wanted) and junk food, and started watching the first Lord of the Rings because Kyle had never seen it. Well, we got through disk one, and by that point (10:30) we were all so tired, so Kyle and I went home and went to bed before midnight! Sad, I know.

So there's a quick update, and hopefully I'll find some time to post pictures of recent events and house improvements. I have one more week of Christmas vacation, and of course, I haven't done anything for school yet, and I REALLY need too. That's my next week project. And now, I'm going to go make bread in my new bread maker! :)

Happy New Year!

More Marley

2008-11-11T20:14:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you.... it's a VERY good thing that this puppy is cute! Here's why she's lucky she's adorable...

1. She eats cat poop. Yeah, gross. We had to put the cat litter box into the tub in the front bathroom in order to get her to stop. Thankfully it's never used (by humans, at least), because that's completely unsanitary, and it grosses me out. But, then again, puppy almond rocha (you know, cat poop covered in litter!) on my living room carpet grosses me out more.

2. She bites. HARD. With her itty bitty razor sharp teeth. I have snags on my new sofa slip covers, teeth marks on my shoes, holes in my socks, and holes in my hands. I've purchased every chew toy imaginable, but I guess we just taste better!

3. She cries all night. It makes me so sad! We were trying to kennel train her, but she would just complain all night and bite and scratch at the kennel door. I know this is bad puppy parenting, but I just couldn't take it any more, and so I kept letting her out when she whined for too long. :/ Hey... I need my sleep! This one is in the process of being corrected, however. She's now outside all day long while I'm at work and Kyle is sleeping. That way he doesn't have to deal with her barking or pooping on the carpet while he tries to sleep. (We just have to worry about her sticking her head through the hole in the fence and getting her head bitten off by the pit bull next door!) At night she's now going in the laundry room, where I can't hear her whine! So now I don't feel like a guilty mother, and I'm able to sleep (plus, there's no mess for me to clean up in the morning!)

4. She plays in the sprinklers. Honestly, this is adorable. Unless I've just given her a bath. Then, of course, she gets soaking wet and rolls around in the dirt. Or she tries to dig at the ground once the water goes away, apparently in search for more. Then she wants to come inside and dirty up my house.

5. She's a menace! One example: We had all our recycling bagged up nice and neat, ready to be taken in to the recycling center. Guess Marley thought that was too boring! Here's what I found the other day...

Our entire side yard is covered in bottles and cans, thanks to our precious baby.

Despite all her shortcomings, we really do love her. We're just looking forward to when obedience school starts kicking in!

We'll see how long this gets...

2008-11-01T21:05:00.001-07:00

*Edit* So, I got all clever with my picture formatting and had all these small pictures organzied nearly around a medium sized picture. Well, then I switched my blog layout and it messed up my picture formatting. Basically, what I'm saying is: I'm too tired to fix it, so deal with it. :)

I have so much to write about! I've been so so very busy, and even now I should not be on the computer, since my house needs attention, but I just have to connect to you all again. Since my last post a lot has gone on, and I want to tell you all everything, but I'll probably do it in a few posts, so that you don't get overwhelmed!

I'll start with retreat, and then over the next couple days I want to blog about following (and bug me if I take too long to get to it):

~Marley- how cute she is, how much she drives me crazy, and new pictures!
~San Jose with the family, including new family pictures that I took for us.
~Improvements to the house that we've made.
~Most importantly - what God has been doing in my life, especially through the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

But for tonight... high school retreat!

This year was my second year going on retreat, and it was awesome, awesome, awesome. My first year was so great, but this year beat it, hands down. We went to Hartland, and the chapel speaker was the youth pastor from one of the Hanford churches. It was so incredible being up in the mountains surrounded by God's creation. The best part was that there were no cell phone towers nearby! Okay... not the best part, but it was REALLY nice not having to deal with the kids and their phones. The downside, of course, was that I couldn't talk to Kyle the entire time, and I'm pretty sure that's the longest I've gone without talking to him in over five years!

I had a cabin of awesome girls, and we had some really great conversations in the cabin, especially on the last night (we stayed up past 3 am!). It's great being able to get to know the kids a little deeper than we normally get at school. Plus, we (the teachers) get to let our guard down a bit and the students get to see another side of us, to a certain degree. I think it's really helpful for the students to see us like that periodically, and realize that we really do love them and care for them, and we're not just homework assigning tyrants! These are my girls that I had in my cabin. Oh, and it was cold up there, if you couldn't tell...

Hartland was just beautiful, and they also had some fun things for the kids to do. They have a shuffleboard area, so we all played like we were retired and on a cruise. :) There's also a swing that the kids (and teachers!) loved playing on. You can get really high and kick the tree branches above you, but you really need some help, preferably from two boys.

Other fun things included horse shoes, Frisbee, tether ball, and paddle boats that sank, especially if you tried to pile 6 boys in one.

Hartland also has a giant swing (different from the other one) that swings out over the river, and I got some great pictures of the kids on it. I love their reactions as they pull the cord that releases them! They also have a zipline, and it is the greatest zipline I've ever seen, simply because they let two people on at a time, and when two people are on it, they are pretty much guaranteed to get wet! The medium sized picture of the two boys below- they hit the water so soon because of their combined weight that they were dragged through the water and ended up getting stuck, so they had to be rescued. Oh, and that water was COLD!

And now, the best part of camp. Every morning and evening we had chapel, and the pastor spoke about faith. It was the perfect thing for our students to hear, and honestly, for me as well. He used Hebrews 11 (of course), but also spoke about getting out of the boat. Having faith enough to get out of the boat. I think his message really resonated with a lot of the students, and I'm praying that the decisions they made at camp continue now that they are down off the mountain. All too often we experience the 'camp high' or have the 'mountain top experience' and then nothing in our life changes when we get back home. I know for some of our students, the message really hit them, and their lives are going to be changed. Some of the others, I'm praying that they really meant it when they said they are ready to get out of the boat. One night in chapel the speaker gave the students the opportunity to write their name on a post-it if they felt the were really ready to live with faith, and get out of the boat. The next morning when we came in to chapel, this is what we saw:

One of the seniors brought all the names back home, and he made it into a permanent cross that's now on display in the locker room.

The other really cool thing that's done every year at camp is done at the last night's campfire. If you want, on the last day you pick up a stick and carry it with you the rest of the day. Then at the campfire, the students have the chance to share what their stick means - something they're struggling with that they need to give over to God, some sin they want to give up, their fears, or whatever it is that they need to give up to God. Then, as a symbolic gesture, the stick is put in the campfire. Or, they can just put it in without sharing. This year was incredibly intense. Some of the stuff that they shared - WOW. I was blown away by some of the things my students are going through or have gone through that I never would have guessed. Huge stuff that was so foreign to me growing up, and that no kid should have to go through. I wish some of them would have shared in a less public setting, though, because it was huge stuff that really only a few, close accountability partners need to know. However, I hope now that the rest of the students know what their friends are going through they'll step up and encourage and hold their friends accountable.

I used the opportunity that night to share with the kids as well. So many of them think that, or act as if all their problems will go away because they put the stick in and gave it over to God one night. So I shared with them that it is a daily process, and some times a minute by minute ordeal of giving it over to God. I shared with them my stick, which represented my plans. I told them all that if I would have had things my way, I would be at home with a baby. A few of them knew that Kyle and I had been trying to start a family, but for the majority of them (and some of the staff members) it was the first time they knew anything. I shared with them that despite the fact I still desperately ache for a child, I know that God's plan is so much better than mine, and it's a daily process of giving up my will and my plans in exchange for His. After all, if I already had a baby, I might not be teaching this year. And I am so, so in love with my classes and students and now I can't imagine not having them this year. Already it makes me want to cry thinking that I only have a few short months left with this senior class. I seriously love these kids so much and don't want them to leave me! Can I fail them all?

After the campfire, I received some great encouragement from a few students, and it helps make our whole ordeal more worthwhile. I had one student tell me he was sorry I got stuck with them instead of a baby, but that he was really glad I was his teacher. And then one of the girls in my cabin told me that she was selfishly glad that I was not a mother yet, and explained that if I was not at the school, many of the students would not have a teacher they felt comfortable talking with and seeking advice from. Talk about a compliment. I already knew I was at KCS for a reason, and knew that part of that reason was so the students would have a teacher they felt comfortable around. There's one other (young) teacher that the students also talk to, but the rest of the staff is of the older generation, and the kids generally don't want to talk to them about problems. It's really too bad, too, because my coworkers are wonderful, godly people and I've learned TONS from them. But, I guess at 16 it's easier to talk to someone in their twenties than in their fifties or older. It's really great hearing from my students that they are glad I'm teaching and that they feel comfortable enough that they would come to me if they had a problem and needed advice. This, I think, is why I want to stay at a private school. The pay sucks, but I can teach them in so many areas of life that I could never ever mention at a public school. I love that I'm able to be a positive influence on these kids, and show them that you can be young and live a fun, wonderful life that's also completely sold out to Christ. My goal at KCS is to give them the best English education I possibly can, but more than that, I want to inspire them to live wholeheartedly for Christ, and have a passionate, exhilarating love-life with their Creator.

Well, there you go. That, in a nutshell, was camp. I got sooooo many good pictures (I'm now known as the school paparazzi :) ) and had a great time just lovin on my students. And now, it's time to go get a little more cleaning done before bed. Or, I might just go watch tv. :)

leaving on a school bus

2008-10-19T18:37:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to say that I'm going to miss all you ladies until Thursday! It's the high school retreat at school, so I'll be up in the mountains, far away from any technology. So I'll miss everything that goes on in your lives over the next few days!

If you think of it, pray for our kids - that they will be receptive to the message at camp and that their friendships and faith will grow and mature.

And pray for me - I'm still not doing so great. I'm about 99% sure that I actually had/have food poisoning. Which type or what brought it on - who knows!? But, all the symptoms fit, and though I'm feeling much better, my stomach still is not doing well. I still can't really eat much, and even the little I'm able to eat upsets my stomach and often sends me running to the bathroom. So we'll see how a bus ride goes tomorrow!! Oh yeah, and how camp food reacts :(

"See" you ladies later this week!

Sick and tired...

2008-10-16T18:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough week for me this week.

One of our students was killed this week. She was only in fourth grade. Her older brother, who is one of my students, was driving the vehicle. This family has already gone through so much. Mom died a few years ago from cancer. A very close aunt died last year. And their grandpa is dying. And now they've lost little Emilie. Our little tiny community is very shook up. We've been lucky, and things like this never happen. Please pray for the Millers. The funeral is tomorrow, so school has been cancelled in order to allow the staff, students and their families to attend.

On the bright side (or, less bleak side), I've been amazed at how our students have responded to this tragedy. They started praying for the family Monday, once they found out. Tuesday almost the entire high school met during break around the 'prayer tree' to pray for the family. The students have held a bake sale to raise money for the family, and brought in over $300 just from one bake sale. They're doing another at the football game tomorrow. They have a car wash planned to raise more money. And the junior class is donating all the money raised by their tri-tip dinner fundraiser, which was originally going towards their senior trip, to the family. The students have done this all on their own. It amazes me how much they love and care.

The other reason it's been a rough week is that I'm sick! Like, sick as a dog, sick. Really, really, sick. Almost went to the hospital sick. And it all came on in a matter of hours last night. I had a headache yesterday, but I attributed it to the fact that my classroom smelled like skunk (some of our genius boys thought it would be a good idea to try to shake a skunk out of a tree). I went to worship practice last night with a headache, but otherwise feeling fine. When I got home just before 9, I wasn't feeling great, so I took my temperature, but it was normal. Within two hours, my temperature had gone up to 102.5, and then continued even higher to 102.8. And then the throwing up started. :( Kyle had to come home from work, because we weren't sure if I would need to go in to the hospital. He had to come in and wake me up every half hour or so to make sure my fever hadn't gone any higher. Kyle also had to make calls for me to arrange a sub, and went down to the school bright and early this morning to get everything out for the sub. I am so thankful for my husband! Thankfully, my fever started to come down, and by this morning it was in the mid 101s. After I got up and took a bath, I journeyed out the the couch, and slept there until after 2. By that point, I no longer had a fever! My head is still pounding, though, and I still can't eat much, so it's not over yet. But, at least the fever is gone. I had to be under tons of blankets because I was so cold. My teeth would chatter so much that the thermometer would fall out of my mouth, and every muscle in my body was in extreme pain because I was so tense from shivering so much. Soooo not fun! And now I'm missing high school youth group. Hopefully I'll be better by tomorrow so I can go to the funeral and the football game, but we'll see. And hopefully I don't get anyone else sick!

Pictures

2008-10-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

Before I post pictures of Marley...

I have taken so many pictures lately! My right hand and fingers are literally sore right now because I've been shooting so many frames. Yesterday was the KCHS homecoming, so between the homecoming floats and activities, the powder puff football game, and the JV and Varsity football games I shot over 1,200 pictures! (1200 is what I came home with, after deleting obviously bad ones off the camera, so I have no clue how many I actually took!). My hand hurt so bad last night. It was so cold and windy and I was down on the field taking pictures for the teams, but I got tons of great pictures for them, so I guess it was worth it. And then this morning I took senior pictures for a student, and took over 400 more. My camera needs a vacation!

And now some pictures of our adorable little poop factory!

The first is of her first night with us. She was fixed that day, and was very lethargic and scared. So she hid by the toilet all night! And when I woke up in the morning, our bedroom carpet and bathroom was covered in poop! We got her Wednesday, and we've already gone through 2 cans of carpet cleaner! Ack! (It's getting better now, though).

Her second day with us she was much more herself. I brought her out back, and she played around with tree bark and pine needles. She loves running around, and for some reason loves the spot where our patio meets the grass. No clue why that's fascinating, but she always goes there!

Puppy!

2008-10-08T20:17:00.000-07:00

We decided on Marley for a name for the pup. She's just so adorable! I don't have any pictures of her yet, besides ones on my phone, but in the next couple days I'll be snapping away like crazy and will get you some pictures of her.

Right now she's really lethargic, and she has slept almost every minute since I picked her up. She had her shots and surgery today (she was "altered" as the shelter puts it) so she'll be out of it for a couple days. And we can't give her a bath for a week, so we have to put up with SMELLY dog. But, she's cute!

A new addition to the family

2008-10-06T10:53:00.001-07:00

We bought a puppy!!!

Hopefully I didn't get all your hopes up thinking I was pregnant (no news on that, btw). We picked out a little German Shepherd mix at the shelter on Friday, and I get to pick her up Wednesday after she's been "altered" and microchipped and all that. She's a cute little thing, and I can't wait until I can take pictures of her to show you.

We do need a name, though, so help me out! Any suggestions are welcome!

House pictures!

2008-09-28T16:59:00.000-07:00

I sure hope you'll excuse me for taking so long to get these up here for your viewing pleasure. See, we didn't have internet for the first week, and then when that was set up, our office was not clean enough to set up the computer. So for a couple days we sat on the floor with our old laptop, but I can't get pictures on to that one anymore because the USB ports are broken. And then (yes, more excuses - but all valid) the laptop died. :( A few more days pass, and we finally get everything out of the office and in to the garage, and Kyle was able to get our computer set up yesterday. So, now I can give you pictures. Of course, I took these a week ago, so the house doesn't look like this at all anymore! The last couple pictures I just took, and those are the big changes. Oh, and please excuse the 'snapshot-esque' picture quality. Definitely not home magazine photos here.

Below is the living room and dining room. (and the cat being bad and scratching the couch) You'll notice the tan couch, blue recliner, and off to the left is the big banana yellow couch. The banana couch, by the way, fell out of the truck on the way over here because the guys didn't think they needed to tie it down. After all, it's a couch; where's a couch gunna go? Well, it went into the middle of Lemoore and D street, that's where! Anyway, I hated that the furniture didn't match, so now we have slip covers. :)

Kitchen looks pretty much the same as it did before, except for the big, wonderful, expensive fridge.

This is the office. It's now all cleaned up, and our computer is no longer in pieces on the floor. We have an entertainment center across from the desk, and a little work out area in the corner.

The garage still pretty much looks like this! It's all pushed to one side now, but there's still a ton of stuff to go through.

Spare bedroom is all set up and ready to go for visitors!

Our bedroom is below. Please excuse the un-made bed. Everything in there is now cleaned up and nice and pretty. No more boxes on the ground, thankfully!

And now some of the changes since those other pictures were taken. We now have two brown couches and a flax recliner! I love matching furniture. We just got them the other day, and they're a little big, so we're still fighting with them and having to re-tuck them in all the time until we're able to get those things you can slip down between the cushions to hold the cover in place. Whatever those things are called!

And the first painting we've (actually, I've) done is in the kitchen. I finally have my red wall in my kitchen. All the other walls will be white, and the cabinets will be black. I'm two coats down on the red, and we'll see how many it takes total. At least one more, I know that much.

So, there you go! Things are coming along nicely, just slowly. We hardly have any time with work and church obligations and going to my students volleyball and football games.

I hope you all had a great week, and I hope this week will be another good one!

We're Moved!

2008-09-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

Well, it's all in. It's a mess, and there are boxes and bags everywhere, but it's all moved over. It's going to take forever to get things in their place, but once things start coming together a little more I will post some pictures for you guys!

Big move tomorrow!

2008-09-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

So I'm counting down the hours until we get a call telling us to come pick up the keys to our own home! It's crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy. I can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that we are now the proud owners of a mortgage. You thought I was going to say house, didn't you! :)

Tonight is my last night on Powell Ave. And that is a wonderful, wonderful thought. There is still so much to do around the apartment, though, and that is not a good thought. I've done pretty much all the packing and prep, so I'm looking forward to having some help. It's not that Kyle hasn't been avoiding packing and helping, he just hasn't had too much time. Okay, there's also some avoidance. I'm going to be up extremely late tonight getting more stuff done, and I just have to hope it's enough. My parents are coming down tomorrow, and we'll have their help and Kyle's parents on Saturday, so hopefully everything will get done in a timely manner.

Okay... back to cleaning and packing. We'll be without Internet for a bit, but I'll try to at least check your posts at work until everything is set up at the new place.

Slip - n - slide

2008-08-29T23:12:00.000-07:00

One huge tarp

dish soap

lots of water

a bunch of students

tons of fun!

Each year at the beginning of the school year, SLT (the student leadership team) puts on a Day of Welcome, and we do fun stuff as a high school. For the second year in a row now we've had a huge slip-n-slide for the kids to play on. Since it was so incredibly hot out today, the kids really enjoyed the water! I however, stood outside for 2 hours, burning up, and taking hundreds of pictures. Don't worry, I won't share them all. :)

We had quite a bit of water.

Quite a bit of soap.

Plenty of mud!

And plenty of sillyness.

They played tug of war...

... and crab walk soccer...

And lots of good, old fashioned slip-n-sliding.

And the senior class got together for some fun pictures at the end of it all!

So there you go. This is my job, people! How crazy is that? Of course, it's not like this all the time, but I am so blessed to work at this school and with these kids.

Some random pictures

2008-08-29T22:58:00.000-07:00

Just some other pictures I took in my classroom last week that I liked!

I'm super picky about my pencils being very, very sharp, or a very thin lead, so I keep tons of them on hand!

My early morning lifeline.

I was given this at a little ceremony in college for my major, since we were all going to be teachers. It's filled with all sorts of symbolic little things for teachers. Now, though, it's pretty beat up, because it falls off my desk all the time!

And the shoe. Again.

First day of school!

2008-08-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

Well, like many of your kids, I'm back at school now! Of course, I'm on the other side of the desk. Like all the kids I got all dressed up and wore my nice, new (smaller sized!) outfit. Since everyone else is sharing first day of school pictures, I figured I would too. :)

So here's my first day of school outfit. Notice the wonderful red high heels - love them!

Here's a closer view of my killer shoes, because I know you want to see them better.

And since none of you have had the opportunity to see my classroom, I thought I'd give you guys a tour. As you can see, it too is done in black, white, and red. Perhaps those could be my favorite colors?

I love that little wooden sign I have below the class rules - it says "Thou shalt not whine." And below that you'll see my flowers and art work I made to match my room.

And then there is my desk, which normally looks much, much worse than this. And the student desks, which are normally filled with students (go figure, huh).

I have bulletin boards for each of my classes, and all the books that I teach for that class up as well, like this:

You'll see in the picture on the right that I have a periodic table - yes, in an English classroom. It's a periodic table of American Prose, and I just bought it and think it's just about the coolest thing ever, and that's why I'm a nerdy English teacher.

So each of those binders below represents a book/unit I teach. It's a lot. And then books that go with them have their home right next to the binders. I get to teach some amazing books - The Giver, To Kill A Mockingbird, Night, A Wrinkle in Time, Their Eyes Were Watching God, The Great Divorce... just to name a few.

I also have a super cool bulletin board that I put pictures of my student on, but since it's a new school year... the only thing up there right now is the liger that students made for me last year.

Okay, I'm sick of dealing with the formatting on this silly post, so until next time... >

Super Busy!

2008-08-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

Hey all! It's been quite awhile! I've been back at work for a couple weeks now, and our students start on Wednesday! It's been a crazy, crazy time, and I've been super busy! I unfortunately will not have as much time now to blog and comment on your posts, but I am going to try my best to get on regularly! I've missed chatting with you guys! (And I just realized that every sentence has an exclamation mark. I must be really excited about talking with you guys).

We're doing well, and things are still looking good with the house. Kyle and I have started packing up a few things, and already I'm overwhelmed and dreading the move. I don't know how we collected all this junk!

In other news, we made a huge decision the other day, and have decided to put off our baby efforts for a few months. With everything that's going on, we want things to calm down a bit before we keep trying. Plus, last week the insurance guy came to my work, and the short term disability plan I signed up for, which will pay me money while I'm on maternity leave (sweet!), has certain exclusions to the coverage, and one of those is that there is a 30 day waiting period. So, the policy goes into effect Sept 1, which means I can't be pregnant before October 1, or else we don't get money.

I had already taken the medication this time, but we made the decision before getting to any of our crucial days, if you know what I mean, so we're pretty sure that I won't be pregnant this time. And then we'll go a couple months without the meds, and pick back up again later. I actually was the one who brought up the idea to take a couple months off, so God has totally been working in my life! In fact, when I share our decision with the book club ladies last week, I didn't even cry! Which is pretty amazing. I'm completely at peace with this decision, and I'm actually really happy about taking a break. The past year we've been so focused on trying to get pregnant, and now we'll be able to really reconnect as a couple and just enjoy each other's company for awhile. I'm really not sad about this at all, so there has been a huge change that has taken place in my life, and I know it's all God (along with the encouragement so many of you have given me). We don't know exactly when we'll start trying again, but I'll of course update you when that time comes.

So now our priority will just be each other, and I'm super excited about that. And it will give us time to settle into the house and our new budget before throwing in a baby! And (my completely selfish benefit that I'll get out of this) this also gives me more time to continue my weight loss. Had that been the only factor it wouldn't have been able to convince me to put off our efforts, of course, but it is a nice little side benefit. So far I'm down 12 pounds, and over 3 inches (total-from waist, hips, and legs), and I'm down a size! I love it, and I feel so much better already. Plus, I love shopping and being able to buy a smaller size.

So that's it for now, I had no intention to write this much, and I really need to get back to my classroom. It's a mess!

Home Sweet Home

2008-08-07T16:10:00.001-07:00

Well, this is it! Here is our soon to be home!

As you can see in this next picture, it has a beautiful red door (yay!) and shutters, and a cute little porch area.

Here is part of our living room, and the nice hardwood floor in the entry way (and dining room, kitchen, and hallway).

This is the kitchen, and I have so much more space than I do now! I don't know how I'm going to fill all the cabinets (but I'm sure I'll find a way!) We're going to do something with the cabinets (it's too bad they painted them white, it's a really nice wood underneath), because there's currently too much white in the room! We have a pantry in the kitchen, too, which is great, and we're going to get a black fridge (and the cabinets will probably end up either red or black)

Here's the back yard. We like the porch area a lot, but will probably do something to cover it more - either with climbing vines (what I would love to do) or with a siding type material (what Kyle wants to do). It's a pretty good sized yard, and has a cute little tree that you can't see in this picture.

This is one of the bedrooms. The other spare bedroom looks pretty much the same as this one. Out of the bedroom door (behind Taylor) you can see the hall closet doors. We have so much storage space! I love it!

This is our room. It's much bigger than our current room (it's 13x16). There's no light in this room, though, so we have to figure out what to do about that.

And part of our bathroom (with two sinks!!!) Across from the sinks is a square walk in clost, which, of course, makes me super excited.

So that's it! Isn't it great? The inspection was done today, and everything looked good. Nothing too much to worry about, besides getting some new smoke detectors and a plug for the bath tub, things like that. The appraisal has also been done, but we haven't heard the results from that. We're not too worried, though. It's a nice house in a nice neighborhood, so we shouldn't have any problem with the appraisal. Now we're waiting on the title company, and hoping that perhaps they'll work quickly so we can close early. It would be great if we could close a week early so we'd have labor day weekend to move. We'll see how it all works out!

Something I forgot

2008-08-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

I have no clue how I forgot to write about this. I guess in all the excitement about getting our house, I completely forgot to share our other good news! No, not pregnant, but it's related. I finally get to go back on my medication again. After taking a month off (which turned into two, thanks to my retarded uterus), I'll be back on the meds tomorrow. Not exactly perfect timing, with everything that's going on with the house and starting back to school, but, whatever.

The thought actually crossed my mind to not take my meds this month. Since stress can be a contributing factor to infertility, and we could be under a lot of stress with the house, and school starting, and Kyle's schedule change that's coming up... Plus, I was also thinking that if it did happen this month (or even the month after) I wouldn't be able to finish out the school year, and I'd have to deal with a long term sub, and you get the picture. So I seriously considered waiting one more month (which would again, probably be more like two) before trying for our third round with the meds. But, then I kicked some sense back into my head, and decided that we've tried so hard and wanted this for so long, and if it does happen this month, we'll figure out how to make the mortgage payment and get lesson plans to a sub. And if it doesn't happen... well, we're getting used to that.

So, we're now on round three. Obviously I'll be thrilled if it works. This month marks a year since we decided to start a family, so whenever that positive test comes around, I will be a happy, happy woman. But now I can really say that I trust what God is doing. It's taken a year to be able to say that. I also know that if it takes years for us to have a family, and this is hard to say, I'll wait, and trust that He knows better than I. I don't want to have to go through more testing or other treatments, but I will, and I know there will be a reason for every step we go through. There's a reason for what we've gone through and what we have yet to face. The past year has been a doozy, that's for sure. So many emotions, and tests, and medications, and false hope, and sob fests. I know that's not over; it's not gone. I know I'll have times when I just feel like crying, and I know there will be times I feel low, like I'm somehow an incomplete woman. There will still be times when I'll doubt that God knows what he's doing, and think that I have better plans for my life; that somehow He doesn't have my best interests in mind and I need to take things into my own hands (thank you Captivating for that insight!). There have been those times, and I know they aren't completely gone. But I also know there will be more moments of peace. That I will trust God and His plan for our life more completely. That I will rely less on me and what I think I need. Because I do know that I am right where I need to be. We need to go through this. I need to go through this. I may never know exactly why, but there is a reason we are battling this. And even more specifically, there is a reason why it is my body preventing us from getting pregnant. I choose to look at this now as a chance to grow. A chance to trust God wholly and completely. A chance for us to strengthen our marriage. And I believe it will happen for us. I don't know how or when, but I know that we will be parents. It will happen exactly in God's perfect timing, and in the way he has ordained, and until then we wait patiently. And we trust. And we pray. And we grow.

In September...

2008-07-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

...I could be living on Sandcastle!

Our realtor called us this morning, and things look good! We still have tons of stuff to do, but we should set to close September 12th, and now we pray that everything else falls into place! We have to make sure that the city employee grant is in place, and that everything works out with the financing and all those other details and expenses that come up along the way. So please pray with us!

I'm so excited!

Our house

2008-07-28T22:39:00.000-07:00

More on the house we found today....

I got a call today from our realtor (and to think I almost didn't answer the call because I was busy cleaning the kitchen!) and she said a new house just came up on the market that she thought we would like. I decided it would be a nice break from cleaning, so I went to look at it, even though Kyle was working (he eventually was able to make it, and the realtor and I went back to the house) and I hadn't fully recovered from my earlier freak out about buying a house.
Well, the first reasons I knew I would love the house were the street name (Sandcastle, if you didn't read the last blog) and the red front door. And then the door opens, and I immediately felt like I was home. The house is a foreclosure, but it's immaculate, unlike all the other foreclosed homes we've looked at. Seriously, the only thing we would need to do to move in is buy a fridge. Carpet is perfect, it has beautiful hard wood floors in the entry way, dining room and kitchen, and the whole house was just painted, so we don't have to worry about that. There are things we'd want to paint to get more color in (it's all beige-ish right now - looks great, but it's all the same), but it's also nice to know we wouldn't have to paint the entire house or cover up ridiculous paint colors. Lots of counter top and cabinet space in the kitchen, which is definitely lacking in this apartment (I have to make dinner on the kitchen table, as there is about a foot of counter space available to me). It's a 3 bed/2 bath, which is what we want, and the master bedroom is nice and big, with a nice big bathroom and walk in closet (love that!) Good sized back yard, with plenty of room for a dog or two and an eventual swing set. :) Oh, and it's less than 10 years old and feels like a new home. And it's in a great neighborhood.
So, we've decided we're okay giving up some of our fun stuff in order to buy this house. Yeah, it will be tight for awhile, but this house felt so much like home, and it was a place that we could see ourselves living in for a long time, not just 5 or 10 years, like we've felt with some of the other houses. Hands down, the best house we've looked at.
We were the first offer in, and we could know tomorrow if our offer is accepted. We offered the list price, and asked the seller (bank) to pay closing costs, which isn't out of the ordinary, so we don't see why we wouldn't get it, but you never know. So now we're praying that this is the right one and that we get good news tomorrow. And we're praying that all the financing comes through, that we're able to get the city employee grant forms all filled out, and that we'll be able to pay all the ridiculous costs that come along with buying a home. And I'd love for you to pray with us. And thanks to those who are! Whether it's this house or another, we'll have to have you over (at least those who live local!) to celebrate with us when we finally have the space to have people over.
Hopefully this one will be ours, and I'll be able to post pictures soon.

We just found the perfect house!

2008-07-28T17:09:00.001-07:00

Okay, I don't have time right now to explain everything, so I'll have to edit this later and gush on and on about this house, but I wanted to let you know now, just in case anyone checks, so that you can start praying we get this house! I know I just wrote about being afraid of giving up our 'fun money' and all that, but seriously, every worry went away when I walked in this house. I felt like I was home. And if someone else gets our home, I'll be very sad! We were the first offer, so that's good, and we offered what they were asking, so fingers crossed! It really is the absolute perfect house for us, and it has a red front door (something I have always loved and wanted in my house) and it's on a street called Sandcastle. How cool is that! I would love to live on a street named Sandcastle. So, pray, pray, pray we get this house. I'll seriously cry if we don't get it (but, then I'll be able to move on and find something else). I'll write more about it and all it's glorious perfection later tonight.

Unexpected blessing

2008-07-26T14:45:00.000-07:00

When I started this blog I had no idea it would be such a blessing in my life. Not only do I get to keep in touch with friends I know in "real life," but I have also formed bonds with some amazing women online. While it sucks that most of the friends I've made through here are going through/have gone through the same struggle of wanting children, it's also so encouraging to have them to talk to. It's great to talk to Erica, who seems like my copy - trying to have kids, looking for houses to buy, and trying to lose weight. Because of our blogs, we're doing it together. Lisa's posts, especially her latest, help me keep my perspective and bring me peace through our infertility struggle. I love that I met Christy, who went through this, and now has two beautiful little girls. Her story brings me hope that the same can happen for us. And I so enjoy watching little Rylan's adventures on Leslie's blog, and can't wait to see the little man. Thank you ladies, so much, for walking with me and experiencing life with me, despite distance and having never met each other. And of course, I love the rest of you "real life" friends, too.

I had been doing really well lately. I've been excited about the possibility of buying a house, I've been at peace with where we've been at with the baby issues, and things were going well with trying to lose weight. And now, I'm freaking out about the possibility of buying a house, I broke down crying yesterday because I don't have a baby yet, and I can't lose another ounce, and in fact, I've gained back a pound! Hopefully this means 'that time of the month is coming' since it's now been almost two months since I went off the infertility meds.

So, let me explain the freak outs, and please pray for me and my sanity and decision making skills. For some unknown reason, after Thursday's book club (which was awesome), on the drive home I suddenly became worried about the possibility of buying a home. We know we can do it, the problem is that we would have to give up so much, and now I don't know if I'm ready to give it up. And I haven't even been able to talk much to Kyle about this, so I have no resolution on this. Right now since we have such a low housing cost, we're able to pay much more than the minimum on our credit card debt, and I really want to get it paid off. I hate that we had to live on credit for so long, before the PD job came around, and now I'm thankful that the debt is disappearing and that we don't use the credit cards anymore. If we buy a house, we'll have to cut our payments down much lower, possibly to the minimum. We're also able to go on dates whenever we want, we've been able to do fun things like San Diego and visits to my family and taking friends out to dinner, and we won't have that kind of discretionary income anymore. I hated how we had to live before Kyle got this job, and I enjoy having some flexibility with our finances, and now I don't want to give that up. Of course I want to own a home, and I really want to move out of this apartment, but it also means giving up a lot/all of our fun stuff, and going back to a really tight budget. I was okay with that at first, and now I'm not sure if I am. So, pray we make the right decision Another thing that's contributing to my fear is that we were planning on my BeautiControl business already being in full swing, so that would bring in money to pay off debt and have fun. However, I'm having one heck of a time getting this started. I've talked to people about hosting spas, and I either don't hear anything back, they can't do it, or they want to, but aren't available for another month. So I'm still in the same place I was a month ago, trying to find just a couple people to books spas so I can finally get started.

Please also pray for my emotional sanity. I had been doing really, really well. Since I didn't use the meds, I knew there was no chance this time, so there haven't been those highs and lows of hope and disappointment. But then yesterday I replied to Christy's email, which was the very encouraging story of how their two daughters joined their family, and that brought up all the emotions I haven't had to deal with this month. And I broke down and just sobbed because I want a family so badly. I'm doing a better today, thanks in part to Lisa's perspective adjustment blog, but this still sucks. And on a related note, I'm really tired of people asking me when we're going to have kids, or asking me (above screaming babies) "You sure you want kids." Well, no clue when we're going to have kids, and yes, of course I want children, otherwise I wouldn't be subjecting myself to constant doctor appointments and medications and tests and heartbreak each month it doesn't work. Sigh.... we're almost at a year now since we decided we wanted to start trying, and what a year it's been...

*** edit ***

Another wrench was just thrown into my housing dilemma, but it could potentially be a good one. We had looked at some townhomes in our area (that are incredibly nice and much cheaper than the other homes we've looked at), but were'nt able to buy there because you had to finance through one specific company, and they required 10% down, and we didn't have enough. I just got an email from the complex, and called, and they now have new financing options where we'd only have to put 3% down, and we have more than enough for that. Of course, there are HOA fees, so if that plus the mortgage payment is the same as buying a regular house, we're still in the same boat.

Book Club and plum jelly

2008-07-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

I am so excited about book club after our first get together tonight! For those who aren't in the area or part of epic (too bad for you...), our coffee talk book club will be starting Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It's a book I've read before, and I am glad to be reading again with all these women. It will be nice to hear other opinions and critiques of the book, so I can learn more about myself as a woman and creation of God. Plus, I'm the youngest (or one of the youngest, at least) of those at dinner tonight, so it will be really great learning from women with more life experience, who will have insights into the book that I have never thought of. I would also love to read it with you! If you're interested, you can read along with all of us, and post your thoughts on the chapters either here or on Brandi's blog. There's also a reading schedule on her blog.

My mom is one of the coolest women I know. She's incredible, and I'm so glad I'm her daughter (even if I used to pretend I was adopted. If you've ever seen my mom, you know that there's no way I could claim that- we look EXACTLY alike). Anyway, my mom goes through all sorts of phases with things that she makes. We're both very creative people, but we both can't focus on one thing too long. So mom has gone through the soap making phase, the clay phase, the glass etching phase and the jelly making phase, among others. And when she gets bored of one, she picks up another one again. While in San Jose this past weekend, I helped my mom pick plums from the backyard plum tree (and start the jelly making process. Let me tell you... this plum tree is crazy! It absolutely erupted with plums this year, to the point that they had to prop up branches because they couldn't support the weight of the fruit. So, we picked plums, and more plums, and more plums, and there were still hundreds upon hundreds left on the tree.

Here's our haul...

... and here is just one branch of the tree. After picking all those plums the tree still looks like this.

Oh, and if I can brag on myself for just a minute: I am a computer genius! Well, not actually, but I'm still pretty proud of myself. Like I posted a couple days ago, my parents gave us their old computer, and I've gotten everything set up on it and transferred over from both Kyle's old computer and the laptop all by myself. Now, that may not seem like too much, but if you knew how much technology hates me, you would be impressed too. :)

Speaking my Love Language...

2008-07-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

So I've been sitting on the computer for way too long now, checking all "my stuff" (email, other email, myspace, facebook, my calorie count site, blogger, responding to comments, checking all your new posts, etc...). While I'm being a lazy bum on the computer, my wonderful hubby is in the kitchen doing dishes! He just got up off the couch after watching a show, then went and starting working on the mess in the sink without being asked. What a wonderful man. And, as we discovered in Life Group, Acts of Service is my love language, so I am a happy, happy girl right now.
In other news, we didn't like either house we saw yesterday. The first one was okay. But we don't want to settle for just okay. It was a little small, but it had a nice kitchen and a nice garage (my # 1 priority and Kyle's # 1). However, it had a really nasty pool out back that we don't want to deal with. We didn't want to have to deal with paying a fortune to get it cleaned and repaired, then pay a fortune for upkeep.
House number two was really disappointing. Our realtor had never been to it, so she didn't know the condition it was in, or she wouldn't have even brought it up. It's too bad, too, because it was a really cool house. It was two stories, had a big garage and an RV parking type area, a covered patio out front, a huge living room area, a wet bar, an enormous master bedroom with a fireplace and a balcony... it would have been really nice. IF it didn't need a new roof, IF the exterior paint wasn't peeling completely off, IF it didn't have a nasty pool in back as well, IF it didn't smell horribly, IF it didn't have gross carpet, IF the linoleum wasn't brown and gold from the 70's (with the baby blue counter tops), and IF they weren't asking for over $200,000 when they would be lucky to get $50,000. So, really too bad, because if it had been in good shape, we so would have put an offer on it. The right house will show up eventually, I guess.

Finally back home

2008-07-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been running around all over the place lately! In reality, I have been, so it's no wonder I feel that way. First San Jose and Monterey, then home for a day, then San Diego, then home again for a couple days, then back to San Jose. Now I'm actually home for awhile, so I can get my life back in order! I only have a month left of summer vacation, so I need to get busy! My plan (we'll see how this actually works out...) is to spend the rest of this month working around the house. I need to clean out the house, get rid of junk, start packing up things we don't currently need to help us get ready to move, and transfer everything off the laptop to our new computer. Not really new, but my parents old one, and it's better than the laptop I got for high school grad that we're currently using. Then, come August, I'll start going down to my classroom again to get stuff set up and start working on laying out my lesson plans. Like I said. We'll see how much of this gets done.

In other news, we're going to go look at two more houses today. We're not really sure about either, but guess it doesn't hurt to look! One is a little smaller (1100 sf) and has a pool, which we don't really want to deal with, and the other is larger (1800) but potentially a fixer upper. We just don't know how much of a fixer upper. But we're going to go see them. Well, at least I am. Kyle was supposed to have a day off, but 2 of the other officers had court today, so we got a call at 6:30 this morning asking for Kyle to come in. If one of the officers gets finished with court and gets back to work, Kyle might be able to get home in time to look with me.

And lastly, I've been promising San Diego pictures, and now I'm finally home with some time to do it. I took almost 500 pictures there (the joys of digital!), but I'll spare you that (and save myself the upload time) and post a few from our day. Well, let's be honest, a few more than a few. But I'll try to limit myself!

We went down to visit Kyle's family, in addition to going to SeaWorld. We got to see Grandpa Jack and Grandma Sharon, and his Aunt Jenny and her husband Chris.

There's a great kids area that Taylor LOVED playing in. There are huge musical intruments to bang on, and a giant rope thing to climb up and tubes to play in. I followed Taylor and her daddy up to get some pictures of them. Taylor did great.

She also got to go on an elmo ride with daddy.

Then we all watched Elmo and his friends perform, which put a big smile on Taylor's face. And Grandad's.

We watched a bunch of shows there, including the dolphins and Shamu, both the day shows and the night shows. It's just incredible what those huge animals can do.

Ayla decided she didn't want her picture taken, and gave me the death stare.

We also got to see Clyde and Seamore, the sea lion show. It's such a laugh. What wasn't funny, though, was that while we were waiting for the show to start, thousands of bees swarmed above our head. Especially not good because my mother in law is allergic to bees, and doesn't carry an epi-pen like she should.

After the show, we found the source of the bees. There was a HUGE hive in a tree, and some genius decided it would be a good idea to poke it!

We then went to see a show for Taylor called Pet's Rule. It was really cute. They have dogs and cats (which just amazed me) and a pig doing all sorts of tricks. Jumping rope, a cat walking across a high wire, all kinds of cute, crazy things. After the show you get to meet some of the stars. Taylor loved that, and so did Kyle.

We also did some random things throughout the day, all centered, of course, around Taylor. She chased us around, she was thrown up in the air, and she got to pet "Eeyore" (the donkey they have near the Bud Clydesdales).

Last few pictures, I promise. My favorite show of the day was Cirque de la Mer. Absolutely AMAZING. The things these people can do is so incredible, and I can only imagine how much strength it takes to do these kinds of things.

All in all, an absolutely wonderful time with family. And I took way too many pictures (typical Diana...)

Now it's time to go look at houses!

I hate diets; houses and babies; and Monterey pictures...

2008-07-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

This is kinda a catch all blog. There's a lot to talk about!

First, I hate diets. And my husband's metabolism. I started counting calories two weeks ago to try to lose some weight. I lost 4 pounds, then went away to San Diego and gained two back, and now I've almost lost those 2 pounds (again). Earlier I had an afternoon snack of celery with a teeny bit of peanut butter (and raisens, girl scout style!), half a cucumber, and carrots. A whopping 130 calories. Didn't eat the broccoli though. It just didn't taste good.

As I was making this snack, my husband was sitting on the couch watching tv, and eating pringles.

And yet... he weighs less than I do! I want his metabolism.

As far as the house goes, unfortunately we didn't get it. Oh well... the next one perhaps! There had been another offer (the same as ours) placed a bit before ours, and that one was accepted. At least now most everything is in place for when we find the next one.

As far as babies go, no news to tell for now. Lisa had asked how things were going, so I figured I'd update you all. Since we decided to take a cycle off to get Kyle tested, I skipped the meds, which means that who knows when this cycle will end! It's day 38 now, and I'm just waiting until my next cycle comes along so I can do another round on the meds. If this lasts until day 45, though, which it has before, I'll have to go on a different medication to induce my period. So, now news for now, but hopefully before too long I'll be back on the fertility medication, and perhaps our third try will work!

Now, our San Jose/Monterey trip. Like he normally does when we're in San Jose, Kyle made bananas foster for all of us. I never get this at home, but he always makes it when we're at my parents. Kyle came along, and just by saying "bananas foster" ends up convincing my mom, who NEVER drinks, to go buy hard liquor. Rum, brandy, bananas, and fire!

Our last day with the family was at Monterey. They have some of the coolest things there.

The jellyfish are my favorite and they have so many types. I'll spare you the barrage of pictures, and just post a few.

They also have this really cool exhibit near the jellys. It's all sorts of beautiful blown glass creations.

It was a gorgeous day while we were there, but it was a little hazy because of all of the fires going on in CA.

This is Chase, and his mommy Amberlynn (my cousin's son and wife). It was the first time we'd been able to meet either of them, so it was pretty cool to hang out with them for a couple days.

Little Chasers just loved being at the aquarium. He wanted to play with all the fish!

These guys are one of the coolest creatures ever created. It's a leafy sea dragon!

After the aquarium we went over to a beach to play for a bit. Mostly the guys just tortured little crabs.

Here's Kyle and Andrew messing around with the poor little crabs while Amberlynn watches on.

I'll get some San Diego/SeaWorld pictures up soon, it's time to get dinner started!

Exciting!

2008-07-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

I was able to get my computer cleaned up a bit, and my super amazing computer genius brother in law got me an external hard drive so I've been able to move some pictures over to that. So my Monterey and San Diego pictures are on the computer, and I'll be posting some tomorrow, most likely.
However, while that's just absolutely thrilling, I know, that's not the exciting news. The exciting news is that..... We put an offer on a house today!!!! We looked at two more houses this morning, and decided we wanted to try to get the second one we looked at. So we ran all over the place today to get all sorts of forms filled out - the mortgage company, the city of Lemoore to fill out the employee housing grant (the reason we're able to buy a house!), the realtors, back to the mortgage company - and we placed our offer! We'll find out in a few days if our offer is accepted. Unfortunately, someone else placed an offer today as well, while we were meeting with the mortgage company our realtor called us and someone had just placed their offer. So, we'll see... We would love to get this house, though. It's a 3 bed 2 bath on a little cul de sac in the gated area of the Lemoore golf course, which is pretty dang cool. Both bathrooms have double sinks, tubs, and the master bath has an oversized tub and two shower heads :) There are a few things we'd like to change, but it's stuff we could deal with until we could afford to make changes. We'd need to replace the carpet eventually, but if we gave it a good cleaning we'd be able to put that off for a bit. It's in good condition, just stained. The living room flooring is just the concrete - but it was refinished and painted, so it looks okay, it's just kinda weird. Also, when you walk in the front door, there is a wall in front of you, which is fine, except that there are huge mirrors on the entire wall, which is just a little weird, so we'd take those off. Overall, though, we really liked the house, and we'd love to get it! I'll let you know in a few days if our offer was accepted or not! We know we'll end up in the right place, so we won't be heart broken if it falls through, but it would be really cool to get it.

Check back for pictures of our trips!

Vacation!

2008-07-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy week for us! We went up to visit my parents in San Jose last Tuesday, came home Thursday night, Kyle worked Friday, we left for San Diego on Saturday, and we got back home tonight. It has been so much fun, though! Andrew and Amberlynn, my cousin and his wife, were out visiting my parents, along with their 8 month old son Chase, so we were able to spend time with them. It had been a few years since we saw Andrew, and we'd never met Amberlynn or Chase, so it was really nice to hang out with them. I also got to spend a little time with my friend Lauren, who I wrote about in the last blog. I'll be going back up to San Jose some time this week to spend more time with her and to go to Terry's memorial. It has been really amazing what has come from this, however (even though we would all rather still have Terry) - there's going to be a scholarship fund set up so that Lauren's brother can finish college, the media room at the school he taught at is supposed to be named after him, and the state assembly reconvened early last week in his memory. Anyway, back to the original point of the blog. On Thursday we (Kyle, my parents, Andrew, Amberlynn, Chase and I) drove over to Monterey and went to the Aquarium and then a beach. I've been there so many times, but it still amazes me. Plus, this time I was with a cute little baby, and he was lovin it! So it made it even more fun.
San Diego was also TONS of fun. We (this time it's me, Kyle, Lee, Leslie (dad and mom), Ryan, Sarah, Taylor and Ayla (brother, sister, and nieces)) went down and stayed with Leslie's dad and step mom, and also met up with her sister and brother in law. We all went to SeaWorld together yesterday, and spent ALL day there. I wore a pedometer, and we walked well over 8 miles. Good workout! Both the girls behaved so well. Taylor was a little trooper, and didn't get upset at all, even when she was up way past her bed time. She got new Shamu pajamas to wear at night, along with little Shamu slippers, so she was nice and cozy, even if she was still up too late. We saw every show we possibly could (Cirque de la Mer is AMAZING), and just over all had a great time.

All this to say..... I have 3 gigs worth of pictures from these two trips, and I can't get them on my computer to share with you yet! I've always been a picture fiend, and it's just getting worse now that I'm teaching myself more and more about photography, so our poor little laptop is full. Literally, it was completely full and yelling at me because it had no more storage space. I was able to clean it up a bit, but I still don't have room to upload all these pictures, so I can't share them with you until we get some sort of external storage device to move older pictures to. Hopefully I'll get that taken care of soon, because I really have some awesome pictures to share.

Hope you all had a safe and happy 4th!

In Memory

2008-06-29T19:23:00.000-07:00

Last night, while enjoying my evening at a graduation party, I received a text message from a very, very good friend of mine. I was so excited when I saw it was Lauren. We had been planning on hanging out in a couple days, when Kyle and I are visiting San Jose. The text said "Please pray for my dad, he's having a heart attack." That was then followed by messages and phone calls from other friends, making sure I knew and that I was praying, as things didn't look good for her dad (Terrence, but we all called him Terry). Paramedics and doctors tried for hours to revive him.

Lauren lost her dad last night. He was only 52, and was in good health, with no history of heart problems. Thankfully, Terry was able to spend his last day on earth wind surfing with his son, one of his favorite things to do. Also, thankfully, he was a Christian, and now is getting the biggest sailboat heaven has to offer.

Lauren became one of my best friends in middle school, and we stayed very very close all through high school. Even now I consider her to be one of my dearest friends, and I cherish so much all the time I was able to spend with her family over the years. Terry was an amazing, fun man, and he raised two terrific kids, and influenced so many lives as a teacher. He had just stepped down from his position as a Christian high school teacher, and had accepted a position as a professor at San Jose State University for the upcoming school year.

It's so incredible for me to see the influence he had for Christ. I believe he grew up with some sort of belief in God, but had mostly abandoned that, and Lauren and her brother were not raised in a Christian home. It's not that it was an anti-God home, just no real belief. I invited Lauren to church in 8th grade, and then to Hume Lake Christian Camp that summer. It was a miracle in itself that she was able to go to camp - it was full by the time her parents decided she could go, and there was a waiting list. There was a cancellation, I believe the day before camp, and Lauren was able to go. At camp that summer, ten years ago, Lauren became a Christian. Her immediate concern was for her family, and their salvation. We prayed often, and in time, the entire family came to belief in Christ. Terry then went on to teach at a Christian school, in the area of media, and his goal was to restore Christian values to the media.

Please pray for this family. Terry leaves behind a wife, Robin, and daughter Lauren and son Chris. I can't even imagine what they're going through right now. Please pray.

I love my little girls!

2008-06-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, they really aren't mine, but I love them so much anyway! I had a blast the other night (Tuesday) with my two nieces. Kyle and I go over to his parents every Tuesday night for dinner, and then we help out with Taylor and Ayla while Ryan and Sarah get to go on a date and have a break from the kids. I chased Taylor around all night with my camera, and got some pretty good shots of her. I took soooo many pictures! So, this post has quite a few. But trust me, they're worth it. My nieces are adorable!

One of the things Taylor loves to do is play in her sandbox and her pool. Her sandbox really is just a planter box filled with sand, but she loves it! A couple weeks ago she was standing in her sand, and I poured water into it, and asked her if it felt weird. Now, every time she goes over to Grandma and Grandad's house, she wants to "make weird." She fills up her bucket, pours it into the sandbox, and says "I'm making more weird!" She's so cute!

Later in the evening, she showed us how she can roll her tongue. Talented little one!

Now, here are some of the good pictures I got of the two that night. Grandma was reading to her in the first one.

You can see a booger in her nose in this one!

She has the most beautiful, curly hair. I love it! (It reminds me of mine :) )

She loves her swing.

Hanging out in the tree.

I hope my kids are as adorable and fun as these two are.

Test Results

2008-06-16T10:16:00.001-07:00

I finally got results back from Kyle's lab work last week, after calling my doctor. They're horrible about calling when they receive test results! Anyway, everything looks pretty good, and there's nothing for us to worry about with him (Thank you Lord!). At least one of our bodies works normally! Unfortunately, since I took this month off from the meds in order to get him tested, we have no clue when the next time will be that we'll get to try, since my body is so weird and not on any sort of schedule. Now we just play the waiting game, and once next cycle comes around, it's on to round three of the meds. I've got 3 more cycles left I can do before having to take a break from the drugs, so hopefully one of them works! Thanks for your prayers!

Amazing Testimony

2008-06-13T21:13:00.001-07:00

My aunt sent this to me, and I had to share it with you ladies. Definitely inspirational, and makes the things I deal with pale in comparison. Though, as he says, we should not compare sufferings. It's about 9 minutes long, but definitely worth watching. You can also find shorter videos about him if this one is too long!

Pray for good results...

2008-06-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

This will be short and sweet... We need your prayers for good test results! Despite the fact that he was completely uncomfortable and hated the whole ordeal, Kyle agreed to be tested so we could rule him out as a contributing factor to our infertility struggles. Somehow, he got through it! Don't know when we'll get the results, but pray that everything is normal. It's bad enough that my body doesn't work right, we really don't want to have to deal with two contributing factors.

Completely off topic... Kyle is watching Nashville Star, and I'm appalled by the people they picked for their top 12. The medley the top 12 just did was horrible!

The thing that's bugging me

2008-06-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

So I said in my previous post that there was something bugging me and I needed to write about it. Really, it's my attitude that's bugging me, and I need you to pray that it gets better! I really am doing okay, despite the fact this month wasn't it. I trust God's timing for my life, and I know that it will happen when the time is right. I'm so much more at peace with things in my life, and while I still couldn't accept that I'm supposed to remain childless indefinitely, the waiting for it to happen is becoming a little easier. Problem is, I have this little nagging thought, not all the time, but on occasion, that somehow God's plan for other people's lives isn't right. I hate that I feel this way, because it means that part of me doubts God's plan, but let me explain...

I know that everything happens for a reason, but since we don't always know the reasons, things get frustrating. I look at the world, and I see sooo many problems, and I see sooo many people reproducing who, in my eyes, really shouldn't be. And then there's Kyle and me, and so many other couples going through the same thing. Kyle and I are still pretty young, but we're able to provide for a family. We're looking for a house to buy so that we're even more prepared to raise a family. We're two people who love the Lord and would bring up our kids in a godly home and in a church. We both long for a family and know that it is a God given desire for us to have kids, and (I think) we would be great parents. There are so many other couples in the same situation, who would be amazing parents and are able to provide for a family, yet unable to have one. So why have we not been blessed with children, yet I look around and see pregnant teenagers without the means or the knowledge to raise a child. Pregnant single women who don't want a child, so they get rid of their child. I also see couples who really shouldn't be having children at this point, again in my opinion, because they are completely incapable of raising children to be productive members of society, and instead they are reproducing like bunnies and raising children in environments that no child should be subjected to, and perpetuating social problems like crime and poverty. So, why can they have kids, and we can't? This is something that bothers me, but I wish it didn't, because I know there is a reason for all this. It's just hard for me to deal with at times.
My best friend had a baby at 17, and Hannah ended up being the biggest blessing and the best thing that could have happened in Sarah's life. Sarah is a wonderful mother to Hannah, so I know that children born into not the greatest circumstances can be wonderful blessings and that they are part of God's plan. I guess I just hate seeing children is circumstances that no child should have to go through, when there are so many couples who would be wonderful parents, yet they are unable to have children. And I think, why is this happening? And then I hate that I think like that, because I know that God's plan is the best, even when we can't see the reasoning behind His plan. Pray for me. My attitude needs a readjustment at times.

In other news, we're actually going to take this month off of the medication. I hate to do it, but we've decided to get Kyle tested as well. I can only be on the medication for 6 cycles, and we've already used two. We (really, it's more me - Kyle hates the idea of being tested) don't want to waste any more cycles, then find out that there is a problem with him as well. So, hopefully we get good test results back, so we can jump back into baby making.

:(

2008-06-04T08:39:00.000-07:00

Well, ladies, it didn't work this month. It's disappointing, but I'm doing okay. Thank you for your prayers and support, I know you were cheering me on. I have to go down to work and clean out my classroom, but I'll get back on later today/tonight and post some more. There's something that's bothering me and I need to let it out! I did want to put a quick thing up though, for those who have been wondering if our lunch time adventure worked. (My mother in law tells me "Well, at least you had a fun lunch!" Kyle would DIE if he knew his mom said that! He was freaked out enough that I had even told her that I went home that day at lunch.)

No more pencils, no more books....

2008-05-31T21:47:00.000-07:00

And no more students! It's finally, and officially summer break! Well, actually, I have a few more days of meetings and classroom cleaning, but the kids are gone, so it's vacation! I really do love teaching, and I love (most of) the students, but it is sooooo nice to have a break from them. They really wear me out. I don't have papers to grade for a couple months... I don't have to listen to excuses and complaints on a daily basis... I don't have lesson plans to prepare... I don't have to write up any referrals. Ahh. I love summer.

On another topic completely... I though I had posted our "anniversary adventure" already, but since I didn't, I'll have to jump back a bit before getting to what I had intended to say... (This stuff does get a little personal, but hopefully it's not TMI!)

The Monday before last (the 19th) I had a Drs. appointment for an ultrasound so they could check my ovaries, like they do each month, to see if the medication was working. Well, the tech did the ultrasound, and then tells me I was currently ovulating and she gave me a 24 hour window, which sounds exciting, but (poor tech!) caused me to burst into tears. See, this was after 4:30 in the afternoon in Hanford, and Kyle started work that evening at 6:00 in Lemoore. I rushed home, but Kyle was already getting ready for work, so there was no time. I told him to get home as fast as he could the next morning, but he was delayed with some training after breifing, and got home 45 minutes late, and by that point I was rushing to get ready for work. Soooo.... I enlisted the help of a coworker (thankfully female, who already knew about our infertility struggles), and she took my 5th period class halfway through so I could go home and have a longer lunch period. So, despite two failed attempts, we were able to 'do the deed' within the 24 window that the tech gave us. That day was our anniversary, too, so it was a little adventure. So, if we got pregnant this time, our baby would be an anniversary baby, which would be kinda cool! We'd also know that the egg was from the right ovary (cause apparantly the left one is not cooperating).
So, on to what I was going to say. Today is now day 28. Last month my period came on day 29. So, I should know within the next couple days if it worked this month! Which also means that it shouldn't be too much longer before you guys know as well! I've actually been very patient this time, and the wait hasn't been difficult, which is unusual for me. I haven't been analyzing every "symptom" like I normally do. My body just messes with me and I trick myself into having symptoms, so I'm not reading into anything this month, and I've been much more sane! I'm not checking my chest all the time to see if I'm bigger or sore yet. I haven't been tempted to POAS (pee on a stick - or take a pregnancy test) yet, which is also unusual. I've been really at peace this cycle. It's weird. But very nice. While I still definitely want to see a positive test, I know I'll be okay if I don't get one. Sad, but okay. Assuming my period doesn't show up, I'll probably wait until Tuesday to test, when Kyle has a day off so he can be home when I do. I kinda have a good feeling about this time, but I really don't want to get my hopes up. Please pray we recieve good news! And pray that if we don't, that I'll be able to remain positive and not go through all the overwhelming emotions that normally come with negative tests. Thanks!

Quick little update

2008-05-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought I would have more time once the play ended, but now I'm trying to catch up on all the things that I fell behind on, so I still don't have any time! The play went AMAZINGLY well! I am so proud of my actors. They were absolutely fantastic, and I heard nothing but good things from everyone who went, which is very encouraging. I'm now trying to catch up on my grading, which I completley fell behind on. And then it's on to making final tests, and all the end of the year prep. I am looking forward to this summer so much! I'm going to read a lot of books... catch up on scrapbooking... hopefully take a BUNCH of pictures... possibly take an art or photography class... and go visit my parents when my cousins are out! So excited!

Some random things....

2008-05-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

Here are some updates of various topics...

The play I'm directing, It's Murder in the Wings, goes up this weekend if any of you ladies are interested in joining us! It's a very funny play, kinda with a Clue feel to it. It takes place in the office of The Wings Publishing Company, the evening of a very important party where they will be signing a famous playwright to their company, allowing them to receive a loan to keep their company afloat. However, an hour before the party, the boss is discovered dead, and the office ladies have to try to keep the party guests from finding out, while at the same time trying to figure out who the murderer is. It's a fun script, and I really, really hope my kids will do well! Their characters are coming along great, but a few of them still need to solidify some of their lines, which is starting to scare me this close to opening night! I know they can do it, and I know the performance will be great, but I'll probably stress a bit until its all over! Anyway, it's Saturday and Sunday evening at 7:00 in the Kings Christian School gym. Tickets are $5 and $4 for adults and students/kids, respectively, and there is a special family price. There are also discounts for moms on Mother's Day. So, if you and our hubby want a cheap date.... you're welcome to join us (and I hope my kids make me proud!)

Different topic... I feel like I've been slightly bipolar lately. Well, maybe more than slightly. I swear, I've been so emotional because of everything that has been going on, and one minute I can be completely fine and happy, and then I can be close to tears! It's really, really aggravating. These past few days have been really good, though. I'm really starting to come to terms with my infertility, and with God's plan for our life, and getting away with Kyle and then getting the good blood test results has really helped me out. Another thing that has helped immensely (besides you women and your prayers - I can tell that people are praying for me because I have been so much more at peace lately) is I joined a site called ivillage.com. Sarah joined when she was expecting Taylor, so I had heard about it, but I finally joined and started posting on the message boards for people dealing with infertility and using clomid. It has made SUCH a HUGE difference. I love that I have you ladies to talk to (some in person, some just on here, some both!), and I can talk to Kyle and my mom and MIL and my sister and SIL, but no one I can talk to (with the exception of one friend on here) has actually been through this. It has been so great to talk to women going through the exact same thing as me, and it has been such an encouragement to me. We've been able to lift each other up, and encourage each other, and I have "cycle buddies" who are going through exactly the same things - down to the day. I can't even explain how great it has been to have the encouragement of these women who really, really understand what I'm going through. It has helped make a huge difference in how I feel and how I approach this. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this, even though I wouldn't wish anyone else into the same boat I'm in. I am going to keep updating you guys, though. You guys (most of you) are the ones I actually know, and I am so thankful for you. Some of you were the first people we told - before our family even - and I couldn't get through this without you and your support and prayers either.

Alright... that's it for now. Time to go get some sleep so I can keep up with my crazy, hectic tech-week schedule! Thanks for your love and friendship!

The bad news, the good news, and the other good news.

2008-05-05T21:14:00.000-07:00

Well, the bad news is that the dreaded period reared its ugly head yesterday, so this cycle wasn't it for us. While I'm disappointed, I'm really not that upset about it, which means your prayers are working! Thank you! I wasn't expecting to get pregnant this month, anyway, since at my ultrasound it looked like the clomid hadn't worked, so my hopes weren't up. However, this means that I had a very normal (very NOT normal for me) 29 day cycle, so I was kinda thinking that the meds did work, and that we just didn't get pregnant this time. My doctor confirmed my suspicion today. I got the results from the progesterone blood test, and it showed I did ovulate (yay!), so the clomid worked! This makes me super, super excited, because it means that there is a chance. I'll be starting another 5 day medication routine in a few days, and perhaps this month will be our lucky month.
The other good news is that we heard from the woman who was helping qualify us for a mortgage, and we qualify for a $15,000 Lemoore city employees grant because of Kyle's job! Super exciting! This means we have our down payment plus some, and it's making the home buying dream even more of a reality. Still a few things to work out, and we still need to find a place, but we're getting closer! Thanks for your prayers, ladies! I love you all!

Oh.... and I am still planning on someday posting about that Bible study I started... It's just been a crazy, crazy busy life lately. I know that's not an excuse... but, there it is anyway.

Disneyland!

2008-05-04T19:02:00.000-07:00

Kyle and I decided that we needed to get away this weekend. We've both been so busy, and we've been under so much stress, and it was starting to get to us and our relationship. So we took off Friday evening and drove down to LA to go to Disneyland. It was soooo wonderful. We ignored all our problems and forgot about the messy house, the papers to grade, and all the baby stresses. We really, really needed it. We hung out in Disneyland all day Saturday, went to Bubba Gumps for dinner, then drove back and got home late. We so enjoyed ourselves. It was very refreshing. We felt like a couple again, rather than two people who just occasionally see each other in passing.

If this video works... it's me on the teacups!

We finished our weekend off by taking a long walk over to Rite Aid to buy ice cream! It's been a great weekend, and definitely what we needed.

Not a good day.

2008-04-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

I seem to have hit a slump. It was a long, somewhat depressing day, and there's no one to talk to. It's nice to know that a few of you will read this and that I have you ladies, including those I don't personally know, praying for me. I hate being a downer, but it's just been one of those days.

I had another doctors appointment today for a progesterone test, so we could see if the Clomid worked (since at last weeks ultrasound it looked like it didn't). I got a call bright and early this morning (around 6:50, thankfully I was already up!) from the Dr. office saying they needed to reschedule my appointment due to an emergency. I understand things come up, but this was one of those appointments that had to be done today, because the blood had to be drawn on a certain day of my cycle. So they decided to keep my appointment. Until I got there.

Then they told me that the blood has to be analyzed on the day it's drawn, and the guy who picks up the lab work had already been there that day, so they couldn't do it there. They sent me over to another lab place. I got there at 4:05. They close at 4:00.

So, on to a third place, where I finally get the blood drawn. Now I wait. I don't know how long I have to wait, but I so want to know the results. I'm tired of not knowing, I'm tired of false hope, I'm tired of well-intentioned people asking me when we're going to have children. It makes me want to cry every time someone asks me. And I get asked all the time.

Play practice tonight was rough. They aren't memorized yet. They were scatterbrained, and late to practice, and we weren't able to run the whole play. We go up in less than two weeks.I just wanted to cry when I got home.

Kyle is handling this totally different than me. All he can say is that "this sucks." Pray that our marriage is strengthened through this process, and that infertility and treatments don't put a strain on our relationship.

In happier news, Saturday night's formal was a blast. I so enjoyed being with the kids, and had a great time with them. The clue theme was a hit, and I so enjoyed being Mrs. Peacock. Mysteriously widowed five times.... hmmm...

You can kinda see my peacock feather earrings. I also had a bunch of peacock feathers in my hair. This is me with a wonderful, dear coworker, playing Mrs. White, the maid who ends up very wealthy, due to rifling through other's jewelry boxes.

We were on the Fox Theater marquee!

Thank you ladies for your prayers, for your encouragement, and your frienship. I couldn't go through all this without women like you! I love you guys!

Coolest Thing Ever.

2008-04-23T17:25:00.000-07:00

Well, not really ever, but still pretty cool. I'm chaparoning the KCHS formal on Saturday, and it's a CLUE theme. I'm one of the characters, and instead of getting Miss Scarlet (I already have a red dress I could wear), I'm Mrs. Peacock. I didn't own a blue or green dress, so I was stuck trying to find one to wear. Well, I wandered into a little second hand store (Karma Konsignment) a few days ago, the very first store I went into, and started looking on the rack. I found a beautiful green Jessica McClintock ($$) dress in my size (it fits me perfectly) for, get this, only $10.00! So exciting. So I go to pay, and the store owner even comments on how cheap it is. See, she just bought out My Sister's Closet, and had only been open a week, and she had just kept the same price tags on the merchandise she bought. So, someone had made a mistake in pricing it before (most other formals were $40-$50), but since that's the price that was on it, that's what I paid. Oh, and the JM tag was still on it!
So... the dry cleaning bill is twice what I paid for the dress... but still, how incredible was my luck!?

Oh yeah, I just started a new daily devotional, and my goal is to have some of my thoughts about each day up here... eventually. :)

Another Dr. Appointment...

2008-04-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

I had another doctor appointment today for an ultrasound to see if the Clomid worked this round. They were wanting to see enlarged ovaries, which would mean that the Clomid stimulated my body to mature and release an egg. Unfortunately, they weren't big enough, which means the medication probably didn't work this round. There were also multiple small cysts on both ovaries, but he didn't say anything about those - other than that they were present - so I don't know if it's a 'good' cyst (normal part of the cycle) or a 'bad' cyst (like with PCOS).

I did have a positive ovulation test on Friday (course, two cycles ago I had 7-8 positive test days in a row - even though I wasn't ovulating - so my confidance in the test is not high), so there is a slight possibility that I ovulated early and so what we saw today (smaller ovaries) was due to that fact. I go back Monday for a progesterone test to see if I actually did ovulate, and if that comes back negative we up the Clomid dose and try again.

Sorry if I'm sharing too many details for your taste, it's a comfort for me to write this all out, and know that there are a few women who read this and are keeping us in their prayers. Your prayers are helping tremendously. I have been so much more at peace with all of this lately, and I'm being able to trust God's plan more freely, rather than my own. Today I'm a little shaken, because I was so hoping to hear good news at the appointment, but I'm still doing okay. I'm functioning rather mechanically right now, though, so we'll see if my emotions about this catch up to me later. Pray I hear good news on Monday!

Congrats Karuss and Jeremy!

2008-04-20T16:34:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege of travelling to San Jose this weekend to attend the wedding of a long-time friend, Karuss. It was a beautiful wedding, and it was so awesome to witness the union of two people who are so in love with each other and God. I got to catch up with so many old friends, and just had a grand time! Congrats Karuss and Jeremy!

This is me and my Hannah-Banana at the reception.

Hannah took it...

Annette, Amanda, Karuss, Sarah, Lauren, and me - almost the whole high school small group was present! Jess and Jamie - we missed you!

The Happy Couple!

Passion

2008-04-16T22:17:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by Leslie and Rhonda to write about what I'm passionate about. Something beyond chocolate or scrapbooking (two things I do love, however!). At first I wasn't going to write anything, since I'm really supposed to be asleep by now, but something in me needed to write once I started thinking about my answer.

See, I don't know if I'm passionate enough about anything. There are the obvious answers - God, my husband, my family, my future children and my students. And yes, I'm passionate about Christ and the people around me - but not enough. Lately I've been so consumed with other things - worries, being busy - that there isn't room left for my passion. I want to be passionate - more passionate - about my relationship with God. I need to be. I want to be more passionate about my husband - I want to feel like I did when we were newlyweds and I was so excited to spend every moment with him- just on a deeper level. I want to be more passionate about my students - I've been entrusted with growing them in to Christian men and women - I have a huge responsibility and I can't let them down.

There's so much passion there, but it's been crowded out. Crowded out by worries about the future. For a time, it was worries about our financial situation and Kyle's job. Even though God provided for us every month, I still worried. I think, because of my nature, I felt like I had to worry. I'm one of those people who likes to know what's going on - I need to know the game plan and how every thing is going to work out ahead of time. God's been working on that in me, and He still is. Now that things are going so much better financially (once again God has proved He is faithful and has provided us with Kyle's dream career), I'm worried about being able to have children. There are so many things up in the air right now. And I want to be pregnant now. Well, really, months ago. (God's also working on patience in me...) Not being able to get pregnant and being put on infertility drugs has consumed my mind. In a way, and I don't know if this is irrational or if other women have felt this way to while dealing with infertility, I feel like less of a woman - like I'm unable to provide children to my husband. This is something that women are supposed to do - and I can't. At least without help. And, who knows (God) when, or if, this medication will work? This has been my passion lately - my worry. And that needs to change.

Pray for me. I need patience. I need to refocus. I need to trust that God knows best - since He always does.

Stir in me, a passion that my heart cannot contain. God, stir in my heart a passion for you and a passion for people. I want to worship You.

Homes and babies...

2008-04-15T21:18:00.000-07:00

So... on a whim, Kyle and I decided to go down to Lemoore Real Estate on Friday to see what they had to rent or buy. We're so sick of where we live, and are sooooo ready to be in a bigger, nicer place, and in a better neighborhood. Well, we had no clue if we would qualify to buy a home, but figured it's not going to hurt anything to check. Well, we met with this awesome realtor (with a great southern accent) who set us up an appointment with Kings Mortgage, and we met with them yesterday... and we're going to buy a house!

We went and looked at a four houses yesterday, ruled one out, and really liked the other three, but two of them already have offers on them, so we're pretty much ruling those two out. So, we have a good potential from yesterday, and then looked at two others today, and really liked one of them. We're still going to look more, of course, but we've already found a couple potentials. There are still many more steps to go before we actually buy a house, but it's so exciting to actually be looking and considering this! Hopefully we'll get everything taken care of in the next few months, but we're not in a big rush.

It's so crazy to be talking about homes, because of waiting for so long for Kyle to get a good job. After struggling to get by for so many months, we feel so blessed, and we're so thankful for everything God is doing in our lives! We would appreciate your prayers (the few of you who read this) that we would find a home in our price range, and that we'll be wise in our decisions.

Another thing you could be praying for (the short version)... Kyle and I are wanting to start a family, and have been trying for many months. For whatever reason, it hasn't worked yet. I have now been put on fertility medications, which was a huge, emotional trial for me. It's been a rather hard journey for us, with so many ups and downs, and rising hopes, and negative tests... and so on. We both need patience in this, we both need to rely fuly on God and His timing, and I need prayer for emotional stability in all this! Needless to say, this has been a very hard thing for me/us to deal with and sort through, and something we never thought we would have to face. Thanks for your prayers and your friendship!

Ouch...

2008-03-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

So, I have a long history of back problems that is much too long to explain here, but for awhile now my back has been doing really well. Until Monday, that is. I was perfectly fine all day Sunday, and then I woke up Monday in excrutiating pain. Long story short, because of the severity of the pain, I ended up in the ER. Like normal, they just put me on drugs and sent me home. They did do a CAT scan, which came back clean, so I have to get other tests done now to find out what's going on.

I saw another doctor today and he referred me to a physical therapist (I start that tomorow), and he will be referring me to an orthopedic surgeon to get more tests (MRI, x-ray) run. Now the pain is radiating down my right leg, and is causing complications with walking, sitting, standing.... Ugh. So now I'm on a bunch of pain killers that don't really work and I don't want to be on, and I'll be seeing a whole bunch of doctors in the near future to (hopefully) figure out what is wrong with my body.

I hate being broken!

They grow up so darned fast

2008-03-09T20:55:00.000-07:00

I was admiring how free and wild one of our little 1st graders in Wonderland was this morning during workship. He's going to be a rockstar when he grows up. He already acts like he is one. He's such a ham. It's great. He was rocking out, as usual, during one of the more rowdy worship songs, and I was thinking about how I was jealous of his complete lack of inhibitions. There was nothing that could embarrass him! I was actually wondering when it is that we lose that childlike innocence and freedom when one of our 3rd graders, completely embarrassed by the "scene" this kid was making, turns to another older student (who was new), and explains "He's only in first grade."

So, there you have it. It's not the cares and worries of adulthood that make us lose our childlike ways. It's third grade.

I just met God on a swingset

2008-03-08T18:01:00.001-08:00

I love swing sets. Always have.

But my intention this evening was not to go swing. I just wanted to take a walk. However, a combination of my (probably) irrational fears and that overwhelming feeling when God is nudging you in a certain direction led me to the swing set down at KCS.

I just wanted a walk! I went on the walk I normally take, which leads to a dead end at a field. Normally, I then turn around and head home. This evening, however, I ran into a strange old man towards the end of the street who had a glass of wine in his hand, and was throwing out a few beer bottles. He asked how I was, and I did the same. He replied "I'm trying to be good, but it's hard." He then proceeds to tell me I'm beautiful. It weirded me out. So instead of turning around and walking back past the guy (who is now in his truck, with the wine still in hand), I cut through the dirt field at the end of the road and decided to take a long way home. Since my alternate route led me close to work (KCS), I decided to head over there and walk around the track before heading home. Once I got there, though, I knew I needed to go sit on the swings.

That's when I hung out with God.

It was so wonderful just sitting on the swing, observing what was going on around me. For the first time in quite some time I actually really paid attention to the beauty of my surroundings. I noticed the pattern of the leaves on the tree above me. I heard a cow 'moo' and was amazed at how creative our God was when he created the animals. I swung as high as the swing would let me, with my eyes closed, and it was the most freeing experience I've had in ages. It was completely exhilarating, and I finally felt alive. Really alive. I felt the wind on my face and in my hair without being annoyed or worried about my hair going crazy (a common concern for us curly-headed people). Even the normally disruptive sounds brought me more into the presence of God. A plane flew overhead. Motorcycles drove past. The swing set creaked. And all I could do was thank God for gifting people with the ability to imagine and create the things around me. It was this incredible experience of prayer. I didn't even say anything, I just knew God knew what was on my heart. I don't know if this will make sense, but it was like I was seeing poetry all around me. I don't know, it makes sense in my head! Once I finally got up, I walked back home, still in prayer and communion with our Creator. I prayed for my students, one especially, who I feel a real burden for. I finally got home, an hour after I began (and an extra mile and a half more than I planned) and wanted to share my experience with you (whoever you are).

We really do live in a beautiful world, and so often I'm so annoyed and busy that I don't notice the little things. The bright yellow flowers in someones yard. The little blue petals growing up in the green grass. The smell of a freshly mowed lawn. The flight of a bird.

When you stop noticing those things, or you find yourself annoyed at life; go sit on a swing. God might join you there.

I really should be cleaning...

2008-03-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

But here I am, starting yet another internet profile (in addition to myspace and facebook. oh well, I'm bored of those, anyway). We'll see how often I use this, I'm a rather busy gal! I would love a place to write down my rather random thoughts and observations (thus "diana's desultory deductions"). I guess now that I've started this, and have nothing else to say for the time being, I'll go back to cleaning my house. I know, it's late, but if I don't get it clean I'll be rather embarrassed when people come over tomorrow!

And the kitchen sink

Consider the lilies

Happy Easter!

Beauty in Creation

Detours

Through the Lens of Worship - Week 2

Beauty in the busy-ness

Through the Lens of Worship

Timing

Merry Christmas!

Have I told you lately...

So how many have you read?

Friends

Since we last 'spoke'

First Lines

Pray for Jacob

Back from Royal Family!

Royal Family Kids Camp

Thankful...

Feels like....

Destruction

Been away awhile...

Sore, sick, and surgery.

Bathroom: the finished product.

Marley's Surprise

embarrassing moment

New House Pictures

Quick Update

Trying not to wallow in self pity...

MIA

More Marley

We'll see how long this gets...

*leaving on a school bus*

Sick and tired...

Pictures

Puppy!

A new addition to the family

House pictures!

We're Moved!

Big move tomorrow!

Slip - n - slide

Some random pictures

First day of school!

Super Busy!

Home Sweet Home

Something I forgot

In September...

**Our** house

We just found the perfect house!

Unexpected blessing

Book Club and plum jelly

Speaking my Love Language...

Finally back home

I hate diets; houses and babies; and Monterey pictures...

Exciting!

Vacation!

In Memory

I love my little girls!

Test Results

Amazing Testimony

Pray for good results...

The thing that's bugging me

:(

No more pencils, no more books....

Quick little update

Some random things....

The bad news, the good news, and the other good news.

Disneyland!

Not a good day.

Coolest Thing Ever.

Another Dr. Appointment...

Congrats Karuss and Jeremy!

Passion

Homes and babies...

Ouch...

They grow up so darned fast

I just met God on a swingset

I really should be cleaning...

leaving on a school bus

Our house