embarrassing moment

Since I love all of you so much and want to bring you joy, I thought I'd share a rather funny story with you! Of course, it was not funny at all at the time, but in retrospect, it gives me a chuckle. You may have figured out already that last month was not our month to get pregnant. I really thought it might have worked, but that's not the point - the point is that I'm on another round of my fertility meds. And they really mess with me. Thankfully today was my 5th and last day of the pills, so I should be pretty much back to normal now. But Tuesday night... man it was bad. First day on the meds, which for me is always the worst. Kyle and I were laying in bed talking, and something he was saying was upsetting me, for completely asinine reasons- all he was trying to do was encourage me that in God's timing we would have a child. But of course, I'm hormonal, so I do what I do best on the meds: I start crying. So the poor guy is trying to comfort me, and I asked him for a tissue, and... the tissue box was empty. Now, a rational, reasonable human being would have simply gotten up to get toilet paper or a different tissue box. But I am not rational or reasonable while under the influence of excess hormones, so I started bawling uncontrollably. Like, my whole body shaking with sobs, because the tissue box was empty!! Ack! It's been a little crazy in our house this week. :/

On another topic, today was absolutely amazing! Monday was my birthday, but we didn't do anything until today. Actually, Kyle left me a birthday card on my windshield while I was at work, and there were beautiful orange roses at home for me. But today we went out to breakfast, then started driving to somewhere (I didn't know where we were going). It turned out that he was taking me to Cambria. We walked all around Cambria and went in to all the adorable little shops. We looked through art galleries and antique stores. Then we went wine tasting, had delicious wine and great conversation with the other patrons and the employees. He had planned on taking me to a certain restaurant, but there was a local couple at the wine tasting who suggested another place called the Sea Chest, so we ate there and had great clam chowder and salad and swordfish for dinner. It was an amazing day, and the best part was that Kyle planned the whole thing out as a surprise for me.

With the exception of my tissue box fiasco, I've been doing really well emotionally lately. Even getting my negative test last week didn't really effect me. Obviously it's disappointing, but I wasn't depressed. I've found out about three more friends who are pregnant, and found out all three on the same day, which would have seriously messed me up before. I know there are a few thing contributing to my new found peace and contentment: I have so many people praying for me and I can tell, and I am so thankful for every one. Secondly, Kyle and I have been doing a devotional for couples dealing with infertility for about a week, and it's been a nice time each night to pray and read together. I also read a book called Hannah's Hope, which is absolutely amazing. It's really helped me see the areas that Satan can most easily attack me, and it's helping me deal with questions like 'is God punishing me?' and 'is this because God knows I would make a bad mother?' Both thoughts that are the work of the devil, but questions that come up nonetheless. And the last thing that has been helping me: Joelle. A wonderful, dear friend that I work with. I've known her for years, and on Wednesday she called me and left a message that said she understands what I'm going through and to call her back. We talked for a half hour, and it was so therapeutic. She has two teenagers now, but went through treatments and years of waiting and multiple miscarriages. I have so many great supportive people here in the area, and I have online friends who are going through or have gone through what we're dealing with, but I did not have a single person who was here and understood. Really understood. And now I do. It's incredible how God brings people in to your life just when you need them the most.