Quick Update

Thanks so much ladies for praying for me! I'm still really struggling, but I also feel hopeful again, so I think I'm getting back on the right track. I think the reason that I've been so emotional (besides that I'm pumped full of hormones, of course!) is because we're nearing the year and a half mark at the end of this cycle. So, if this one doesn't work, we'll reach yet another 'milestone' on this journey, and that's something I really don't want! Most couples get pregnant within 6 months when they are actively trying, so reaching a year past that just gets depressing. Also, and I know this is super silly, but my birthday is in just a few weeks, and I'll be 24 (I know, so old!), but I always thought I would have a baby or be pregnant by then. My mom had me at 23, my MIL was 23, and I think my SIL was 23 as well, and I'm not going to get that if this month doesn't work. I know, silly, but when you're full of all kinds of additional hormones, things like that can be very upsetting.
The good news, though, is that if it doesn't happen this time for us, I'll still have at least one more time on the meds, possibly two, before looking in to anything else. I had been thinking that this was our last try, so the stress and pressure have been incredible, and let's just that the last few days have not been so jolly, and Kyle is probably sure his wife is going crazy. But my doctor wants 3-6 ovulatory cycles before doing any more tests, and this is my 5th round, but one time the meds didn't work. So this round should give us our 4th ovulatory cycle, and we'll do one or two more times before doing some more tests to find out why things aren't working how they should work.
I also started looking at some adoption information the other day, but about five minutes into it I had to stop. We've always (from the time we were dating) talked about adopting, and we've always been very open to the idea of adopting children. We always wanted a family that was mixed with biological children and adopted children. I never thought though that adoption might be our only option. And if that ends up being the case, we'll be completely fine with that. There are so many children out there in need of love and a good home, and I want to open my arms up to several of them! However, I realized once I actually started looking at information that I'm no where near where I need to be emotionally to even consider adoption. I'm not ready to give up my dream of being pregnant and having biological children yet. Not to mention the financial aspect of trying to adopt- we're not in that place either. So until God actually calls us that direction, we're going to keep hanging on to this roller coaster we're on.
Even though I'm doing a little better I still covet your prayers! Pray that we'll have patience, that we'll trust God's plan in all this, that I'll be able to handle my mood swings with grace ;) and that Kyle and I will grow closer together and closer to God through all this. I've really been convicted on that recently, and I know that Kyle and I really need to focus more of our self as a couple on God. So I'm going to look for a Bible study for us to do together (any suggestions?) so that we can make sure our relationship with each other and God is as strong as it can be when our little one does decide to come along.
Thanks and I love you all!