Back from Royal Family!

Wow... just wow...

I am completely sold.

I didn't want to come home.

In fact, I'd really like to go back up right now.


I honestly cannot adequately describe what the past week was like. I'll try my best, but I know I am going to fall so short of communicating just how incredible an experience RFKC was. This might get long, but trust me, it's worth it to read.

We had twenty-three kids this year - 12 girls and 11 boys, ranging from 7-11 years old, and somewhere around 40 adults. If you didn't catch my last post, each of these kids is in the foster care system because of prior abuse. Most of them have been sexually abused, in addition to physical or emotional abuse, or neglect. Some of them have also suffered abuse in their foster homes. I don't know each child's story, but the things I heard about what some of the kids have been through is absolutely haunting. It's stuff I can't share, and I wish I didn't know. Some of the kids seems fairly well-adjusted, or at least as adjusted as you could ask from a child in their situation. Other kids presented problems. There were quite a few of the little boys who were highly interested in the female staff members. I had a ten year old ask if I had a boyfriend. A few of them had a hard time following rules, and they kept wanting to run off, away from their counselors. Many of them had horrible attitudes, like nothing at the camp was interesting or good enough for them. Despite all of that, it was one of the best weeks of my life.

I got to sit with hurting kids while they learned that God is their shepherd, and that he is with them no matter what they go through. I got to sing songs with them about how God will change their name - from wounded and outcast to confidence and overcoming one. I got to watch as joy lit up their faces, something I imagine does not happen very often. I got to love them as much as I could in one week, and got to send them home with precious memories.

We did archery, face painting, arts and crafts, and took apart car motors; we swam, played dress up, had tea parties, worshiped, watched skits about sheep, and celebrated everyone's birthday. Thursday we had a huge birthday party so we could celebrate that each one of them was born. We had cake and punch, and each kid got a birthday bag full of goodies. They each received a CD player and a CD of the worship songs we did during the week. They got a photo album full of pictures of them throughout the week. They also got a birthday box full of toys and fun things for them to play with. In addition to the stuff they received at their birthday party, at the beginning of the week they each got a hand-made quilt, and a duffel bag of personal care items and a Bible. They received a lot of 'stuff' but they also received something so much more important.

Thursday night we did a talent show. We had a bunch of ghetto little kids break dancing, but there were also touching moments. An 8 year old girl sang a song that she wrote. It just broke my heart as she sang about how Jesus was her shepherd and how he would not leave her. Two brothers sang "Jesus, lover of my soul." It was so cute, because the part that goes "my Savior, my closet friend, I will worship you until the very end" was sung as "My Lord, my specious friend." You couldn't help but smile.

They age out of the camp at 11 years old. Some of the kids come every year from the time they are 7 until they graduate (we even have a graduation ceremony and each 11 year old gets a mortar board that we've all signed), but some kids come for the first time as 11-year-olds. One of our G.I.T.s (graduates in training - the 11-year-olds) was a boy who was there for his first time. All week he acted like he was too cool for most everything that was going on. But he asked the Bible teacher if he could give back his G.I.T. card and come again next year.

Each child writes two letters at the end of camp. One is a letter to God, and the other one is titled "Why I Like Royal Family Kids Camp." When we get back the staff has a debriefing party, and we read all the letters. The stuff in them is just heartbreaking. So many of the kids prayed for their moms in their letters to God. They wanted their moms out of prison, or they wanted to be with their moms, but understood that they couldn't right now. Some kids said they liked camp more than they liked being at home. One girl, an 11 year old who had been for four years, wrote the following (paraphrased as best I remember): "With all I've been through, this (RFKC) has helped put me back together, but there are still some pieces missing. But that's okay, because one thing can't cover it all." She's eleven! No one her age should have to be burdened with that kind of wisdom.

One of the other special things about camp is Grandma and Grandpa. They are an absolutely wonderful older couple, and they go up as camp Grandma and Grandpa for all the kids. Before every meal, everyone has to get a hug from both of them. It was so great watching the kids, wary at the beginning of the week, run up to get hugs from their Grandma and Grandpa by the end. We also did a balloon release on the last day. Each kid wrote something on a piece of paper they wanted to give to God, tied it to a balloon, and all together they released their balloons up to heaven. That last day was so hard. The kids were shutting down - trying to protect themselves from the painful goodbye that was coming. One of the boys just kept sobbing. Every time I looked at him I would start to cry. I wanted to be able to take him home with me.

I also can't explain the change that has happened in me. I came down off that mountain with a completely different set of priorities. I've already taken my fertility meds this month, but Kyle and I have decided that if this month doesn't work, we'll be taking an extended break from trying to conceive. And honestly, part of me is actually hoping this month won't work. I know it's crazy that I'm saying that, but as excited as I would be to find out I was pregnant, it would absolutely break my heart that I couldn't go to RFKC next year. There is something amazing about being able to show a hurting child the love of God, and I don't want to miss out on that. It's an absolutely incredible change that has happened in me. Kyle looked at me like I was insane when I asked him what he thought about taking a break for six months to a year, but we've decided that it would be really good for us. Assuming this month doesn't work, we'll take time to pay off debt, enjoy our life together, fix up the house how we want, etc, and we'll both go to RFKC next year. And if this month does work, we'll be thrilled to welcome our own child into our home, and we'll stay as involved with Royal Family as we possibly can. I'm really seeking God's will right now, and it seems like it's finally sunk in that maybe having children of our own is not part of God's plan for us right now. I still strongly believe that it will happen some day, but for now I see my priorities shifting. I want to be the best wife I can be to my husband, and focus on him instead of trying to get pregnant. I want to be the best teacher I can be, and love and nurtue my students. I want to be there for my friends, instead of being the one who needs a shoulder to cry on. I want to get involved with the abortion ministry that is starting at my church. And I want to get as involved as I can with the Royal Family ministry.

So that's where I'm at right now. Huge changes, but I feel the most at peace that I've ever felt.

Perhaps it's because He has changed my name.

I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast
Lonely or afraid

I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness
Overcoming one
Faithfulness, friend of God
One who seeks my face.